The Caged Elf and the Crown [Full Episode] | Escape From the Bloodkeep Episode 3


– [Brennan] Kasara the
Beige, an Ayru Spirit, Telmere the Calm, the
father of Efink Murderdeath, and a number of high elven
warriors just appear. Space and time cleave in a rift of mist. – If I were to animal handling this eagle, will it fly for me? – [Amy] Well now if he’s riding an eagle. – Stalker does not heal Galifast, but does cast spare the dying. You stabbed up the little girl real good. – Wait, are you suggesting
that you join our team? – Yep. You see Telmere hit the lob
and go I hate this mountain. And he is gone. – She reaches her arms out,
and the gravity reverses. – You’re holding a balloon elf. – I have two hammers. – Oh no, not again. (boom) Lieutenants of the Blood
Keep, the anvil is restored. You are victorious. (cheering) – Welcome one and all to another episode of
Escape from the Blood Keep. I am your dungeon master,
Brennan Lee Mulligan. Here, as always, are our vile villains. Say hello, vile villains. – [All] Hello, vile villains. – Last we left our dastardly friends off, you guys were in the scary volcano of the (fantasy language). You had retrieved the anvil of Gogmoth, although retrieved is a funny term here ’cause it’s heavy. You have defeated many of the
heroes of the forces of light. However, according to what the said at the beginning of the battle, the door of doom has fallen and the armies of men
and elves and dwarves now march freely in the lands of Gorgar. That is scary news, ’cause it means that the good
guys know that something’s up. It doesn’t necessarily mean that your guys know that something is up. However, you are here with the anvil. You are also here with Percival, son of Perivel, AKA stalker, who’s the husband of Efink Murderdeath and you’re the last king of Turith, who is holding a badly injured but stabilized Galfast Hamhead. The only other person of note who has joined your party is an eagle, is a big talking eagle. – A big, financially savvy eagle. – Does the eagle have a name? – No one’s asked the eagle his name yet, so we’ll come back to– you were standing in the forest. You see that the lava mog
continues to give birth and then begins to submerge herself having attempted to feed but now taking the different elven bodies
and stuff like that. (snapping) – But it has all those vitamines you need. – Better than formula
– A little protein in the elves. – Anyone who wants to can
give me a religion check. – I’m all right. Not my forte. – Five. – Five. – Five. – Ten. – [Ify] Yeah, I got a four. – Buncha godless people, here in Gorgar? – Crazy, huh? – But basically you know that Telmere, who’s been the lord of Kaer Bledwin for nigh on some millennia, is fully dead. Kasara the Beige is destroyed, but much like Zaul’nazh and other beings like yourself, Lilith, the manner of finally killing her is not necessarily the same as destroying her corporeal form. So there might be some
shenanigans there or not. But certainly fucking not coming back without some extreme stuff happening, or possibly not coming
back for a long while. – Slightly beiger. (laughter) – But you are here with stalker, Galfast, this big eagle whose
name you have not asked. – Shame? – Yikes – But you stand here with the rune covered anvil
of Gogmoth in front of you. – I’d like to go ahead and just give a very thorough once over of the nature of the
runes and the enchantments that are bound to this anvil to see if I can ascertain perhaps what process is required
to forge something at it. – Can I actually
– Do you still have – assist him with the
the book, too? – legend lore that I– – Yes, you absolutely– – Like maybe we do that together since we care very much about it? – Absolutely. You may absolutely do that. You cast legend lore on this. You also probably have that detect magic that you can do at will. Go ahead both of you guys
and give me an arcana check. – That is 18. – A dirty 20. – You guys pour over the anvil together, all of these dark runes here. You are also, this is not a high DC also because you have
the book here with you covering crown lore. You cast this legend
lore spell and a vision. (laughter) – Remember when I said it was hot? (laughter) – Remember, she’s dripping wet. – She’s also not my type. – You see the eagle turns
over to you and says it’s gotta be like a hundred
and forty degrees in here. How is this lady still dripping wet? That’s wild. I mean, forgive me, that’s crazy. – As that happens I spasm and
drips of water get in his eye. – It’s ’cause of my beak. I don’t have hands. Can you get that for me? – Yeah. What’s your name by the way? (laughter) – He looks down at you
and he says John Feathers. (laughter) – And that’s not a sort of romanization, just like a translation of a name? That’s your name? – Yeah, John Feathers. – Nice to meet you John, I can’t wait to see what we get up to. – The men of Tiriath call
me Bahir of the Fast Wind. – You don’t have to act like you don’t know what I’m asking. – For sure, but yeah, no. – We’ll stick with John. – Variations. – Isn’t it after your nature to name– Isn’t it after your nature to name your animals with
letters that begin with J? – Yeah, it’s just a lucky letter for me. (laughter) – Yeah, it’s J, apostrophe, O, H, umlaut. – An umlaut over the H? – Yes. – Yeah, but no that’s my name. Some people that are
close to me call me JJ just because my dad is
John Feathers Senior when I was growing up up in the mountains. – J Feathers Junior. – No one calls me that. – J, J, J. Triple J. – JJ’s fine. But, in any case, so golden nest is fine. You want me to keep working for you guys, I mean you guys are done with this battle so my debt’s paid. If you wanna work something else out, we can work something else out. – We can do it on a gig by gig basis. Sort of prorated I’m sure. – So what are we talking here? – I mean this sounds like Markus’s domain. – Oh, so now y’all backing out, but when we flying to the next battle, I know who’s not getting a ride. – What are your rates normally like? – I like to start off with rated. Don’t let them get to thinkin’. – What about two golden nests? – Well, yeah, you said you want nests. Obviously as an eagle you have
different wants and desires as me as a human with a, you know, human. – Like a big salmon. – Yeah, what’s your game? What can we get for your
that would make you– – Hey, fuck you buddy.
– [Rekha] Maybe an egg? – You don’t want a big salmon? – Do you want an egg? – Do I want an egg? – You sit on it, hatch it. – You guys are really ruining my deals. I need y’all to just– – I’m trying to help. – We can find him a big egg. It’s easy. – He says look, I’ll be honest. I want a golden nest, and I wanna wear clothes like people do. – Like jeans? – I wanna wear pants,
and I wanna wear a robe. I wanna have sleeves,
and I wanna have shoes. I don’t know what kind of shoes I can have as I gotta keep my talons
so I can land on stuff, but I want some– look. – Do you want it to be wet eternally? – Is this because you feel
this will confer upon you the status of personhood, or is it more that you’re more interested in the garments themselves? It’s a very important distinction because pants frankly are overrated. And Lilith gestures
towards her naked abdomen. – You see he goes, look, I’m
gonna be honest with you. Finish this sentence. We are going to destroy the free world of. – [All] Humans. – Sometimes you’ll tack on
elves and dwarves there. Where is eagles? Where is eagles at? – You know, you make a really good point. – We fully talk. We have a full language. – Well are you or are you not free anyway? Do you transcend the free
world of men is all I’m saying. – You do tend to really live far higher than most of the smaller races. Maybe you weren’t even
on the radar of our lord? – Listen, we can quibble. Do we honestly feel that the free world refers to an altitude? – Okay, yes, you’re right,
we’re doing semantics. – This is semantics. That’s all I’m saying is it’s semantics. – I totally kinda like lumped you in with there’s like a group
of people who are like oh these animals are good
and these animals are bad, and I totally was thinking
you’re one of these jerks who’re just like– but then yeah, I don’t know, you got a beef against humans too, right? – We were making a lot of assumptions. That was wrong of us. – And that’s really bad. – That’s bad. That’s on us. – I owe you a shopping date. – Really? – Yes. – Oh, shopping with Jake. Get him some clothes. – We can go any time you want. I’m there. – How’s this lore check? (laughter) – Semantics, right? – As she’s doing her process I kinda lean over to the side and I’m like I find this is a very slippery slope. I mean what happens if shadow forks ends up wanting horse rights. There’re a lot of creatures that aren’t really included
in this whole deal. – Look, he seems mostly
concerned with pants. We can do pants for anyone. – I know exactly what’s
gonna look good on him. – But when did they last try
to enter the world of men? It’s like demanding something
that they never even put effort for
– Well they did it now and it seems pretty damn important. – You guys see a vision appears to you. Legend war. The anvil being created by Gogmoth and given to Zaul’nazh prior to the crafting
of any of the circlets. You see woven to the anvils
the ability to bind souls. And though Zaul’nazh’s crown
has been unmade and destroyed here in the fires of the scary volcano, this anvil has the ability
to forge soul matter. To create items of arcane or divine power that bind a soul to them. Now, Zaul’Nazh is no more. You guys saw him appear
in the lands beyond in the nightmare realms. However, if there were something here that still possessed a
fraction of his soul, it could potentially
be unmade and reforged into something that could
potentially reconstitute him. – Are you thinking what I’m thinking? – Shopping trip. – Yay. – That sounds nice. No, no, no, my friend. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? – If what we’re thinking is sacrificing the very essence of my
unnatural immortal life in the name of reforging
the physical form– – Oh, no, just your helmet. – The helmet does kind
of make me stay as this. – Oh, then yes. – Without it, the unbinding sends me screaming into the infernal abyss beyond. – Okay, okay, okay, keep going. – What about Deckland? – It’s true, you have a whole– (laughter) – I don’t like Deckland,
to be perfectly honest. – I mean I don’t like any of those guys. – They’re very spooky.
– Hold on. – It’s a whole bag of spooky boys. – Hold on, just one second. And I curl back, and
as you see the warm air suddenly turn cool as it’s sucked into the lungs of Vingury, (screeching) Echoing cry of the Vingury echoes through the mountain
out through the halls to call the rest of the Vingury to the interior of the scary volcano. – Cool. You hear echoing throughout this screech, and you hear, mere moments afterwards, all the way from the blood
keep down out of the mountains, that you can almost see
out through the passageway the path leading back to it, you hear (screeching), and all of you get that
cold shiver down your spine. You see that stalker looks up and goes they got glass in their throat. They have glass in their throat. Sounds like scratching on a plate. – Right, no, you’re right. – Make my ears hurt. – I just– – He always sounds like he just
had a whiskey or something. – He can do so much better, right? – Is it a self esteem issue? What’s the deal? – I think it’s just tied up in her whole daddy issues thing. – You can eat your boogers. – Ha ha ha ha, and I lean over and plant a weird kiss on his cheek. You’re so funny. – If you need to for food, because they can– you
know every bit counts in a survival scenario. – All right, well– – Off topic. – Or trash. – You got trash near here? Because you can use
trash to make a blanket. – I’m gonna, just while
we’re waiting for the, I always forget this
name, what is the Vin– – Vingury. – Vingury. I’m waiting for them to show up. I kinda just wanna maybe
take one of these chains and restrain Hamhead. Just ’cause I know she’s
wounded and stuff right now, but I don’t really trust her. I just wanna make sure
that if she comes to she’s not gonna go scampering away. – The children are scuttling
over her body right now. Gina, Kevin, please, stop, stop. – Listen to your mother. – You see that your
children scuttle all around. You see that peaking over
the edge of the caldera there you see Jason and like a
thousand other spiders up there and he goes mom, we
tried to go to the woods but there was tons of
elves and stuff up there and like men of Tiriath, and
the way was barred I guess. – Oh for goodness sake, did you try to decimate their numbers? – Yeah, a couple hundred of us died. We really did try, but it was
like they were really tough, and they parted the clouds
and like sunlight touched us and it burned the hell out of us, and then it was like we
didn’t fight as good I guess. – I’m not angry, I’m just
slightly disappointed. Well, then, just– – You guys have never
seen a thousand spiders all lower their heads at the same time. (Matt laughs) – It’s all right, it’s all right. We’re going to work through this together. What are we going to do with all of this? – Invite them in the caldera. – Point of clarification– – Are you trying to say that I should invite my
children to a fiery death? – Well that’s what we are, and it’s taken by us and the lava bog. Only wonderful people are here now. It’s safe as can be. – Everyone come on down then. Be careful. – Yeah, mostly they’re careful. Maybe like five or ten fall in the lava. (laughter) – One or two go (screeches), and like five more come
from somewhere else, like birthed from some other– – Some other part of you. Well, you know, it’s all groovy. – Everyone’s a small tragedy. (laughter) Just pour a little out of reach. – Incredible. You look over and see– Oh, sorry, you had a question. – I did have a question. Can you just repeat again the anvil can forge, or can bind a soul to an item that it forges? – Yeah, you can probably use it to make a bunch of cool shit, but none of that is
really pertinent right now other than the main thing being you do have these circlets on the Vingury that do contain shards or pieces of Zaul’nazh’s essence. – I also contain pieces of his essence. Does this help? – In the form of your child? – [Rekha] Mhm. I wouldn’t sacrifice
it, but I’m just saying. – I don’t know if that’s helpful. – Oh, okay, I was just asking. – The vision I had was very clear that it would destroy something. Zaul’nazh in order to remake it. – Probably some kind of hammering against the anvil involved, I would guess. – I was just curious. Let’s not do it. – Wait, no, I think this is a very
important conversation to have. You are for certain that you
are with the lord’s seed? – Yeah, haven’t you noticed
I’ve been getting huger? – That’s a gross way of saying it. – Really gross way of saying it. – And please don’t call it seed. It’s fire. – It’s a baby, all right? – It’s an archaic way
of poetically expressing the continuation of a line. My apologies
– But poetically is a bit far. for being well read. – No, seed is disgusting. – I admit it’s a bit
base, and I apologize. – You guys see that walking
through the passageway into the scary volcano, you guys see that the
four other Vingury arrive. You see they walk in and
Deckland looks over and says my word, Leland, it is so hot in here. What are we doing all the
way in the scary volcano? – I know, it’s a bit strange. First off, the rest of
you, fantastic work. I have a very important mission. Very dangerous mission for
our good friend Deckland. The rest of you, perhaps maybe just keep
a view of the Blood Keep. There’s a lot of armies making
their way into our realm, so I would very much appreciate you just holding down the fort for a bit. – You see that all of them say there are armies making
their way into our realms? – Yes, a bit of a misstep
in the plan for today, but do not worry. – You see that they turn
to each other and say does the lord of shadows know this? – The lord of shadows is very well aware. And that is why Deckland
is to earn his wings today and to prove to the lord of
shadow why he may surpass me. – Can we all slowly creep forward? – Such an honor, Deckland. – Congrats. That’s so nice for you. – Very worthy. – I’m gonna ask for a very important roll. I would like a deception roll. – Yes, you may have one. 20. (Amy cheers) 15 plus five. – Wonderful. I’m going to make a little
insight check for them. Lovely. You guys see that the four of them, they have not caught onto
there being any falsehood here, but you see that the four Vingury all turn to look and they
say, now, hold on a minute, and you see that Oswald speaks up and goes I’m dreadfully sorry, but I just want to make sure I understand. There are currently armies? You mean the ones amassed
at the door of doom? – Yes, the door of doom apparently has– maybe we didn’t hire the
best architecture firm to design it, and it may
have, in some places, falling. So the best we can do for now is just to shore it up
a bit, keep them at bay, and should Deckland be successful in this very important deed, then victory is assured. – People keep talking
about me doing a deed, and I’m not a hundo percent on what this deed actually is. – Because if we tell
the rest of the Vingury they’ll be jealous and wish
to take the deed for themself. This is important, that only
you find it to your ears. – But I will add the rest of you Vingury, please stay alive just in case. (Brennan and Matt laugh) – Wonderful. That Deckland believes that
something intense is going on, and also you’re actually
not lying about it being a noble sacrifice. But you see that they are weirded out about a solution that
no one is telling them, so I’m gonna ask also
for a persuasion check to like, if they believe you is one thing, and then it’s another thing for like– – I put my hands on his
big giant armor and am like I got this, mate. Look, I know I’m new here. I know you guys probably
don’t trust a regular human, but we need you out there. We need you holding down the door of doom from a distance, on your wyverns, out of danger, for the time being. – I’m gonna be using my action to help him by being his hype man and going yeah. (Brennan laughs). – Everything, all these
questions you’re asking, you’re holding up the
process, and I’m, look, I have a business meeting with the lord himself
in about five minutes, and if I have to go in
there and tell him that the Vingury were holding up
the plan that he set forth– – I can hear the Gorgar national anthem playing in my head. – They all sort of look at each other and you see that Toby’s like
well that would be awful. Ideally the lord is unpatriotic. Go ahead and roll with advantage. Roll a persuasion check with advantage. – What is going on? That’s still gonna be 21. – So you see
– As bad as I thought. that the other Vingury say
well, this is dire news. To our wyverns, chaps, and to arms. Should we alert the blood keep that there are forces at work, that the door of doom has fallen? – It hasn’t fallen, just sections of it. – It’s cracked. – Cracked is the right word. A bit structural disintegrity. – Slight setback. – Yes, just be aware, and get some helmets that block the face. We don’t want another incident, please. – Yeah, as Oswald says, no, no, we definitely don’t. – But Deckland, we need
you to stay behind. You’re very important. – (wings flapping) You
see the other three leave and Deckland’s here and he’s
like, so, what is the plan? – I put my hand around his shoulder and lead him towards the
edge of the anvil area, looking out over the Caldera and say my friend, I want you to
just imagine, before you, entire army of undead Vingury before you, under your command. I’m basically doing the Of
Mice and Men Lenny talk. (all laughing) As I step back and we gather. See them all bow before you, their spirits all bound to your will. You see the flaming maw
of the lord of shadows. – Yes, it’s beautiful. Beautiful fiery mouth. – It smiles to look down upon you. – Really? – Yes, the voice crackles with glee. It says you’ve done well, Deckland. – I have, haven’t I? – Few are my king Vingury. – Don’t, no, keep looking forward. – But, Leland, your are
the king of the Vingury. – I may be, but not this day. This day you prove, in this moment, that you, right now, are
truly the king of the Vingury. – I’m gonna point to you, and there was that hammer by the anvil, so I’m gonna be like get that. – He says what must I do to prove that I am worthy to be king? – You must prove, and I’m
slowing down my words, (all laughing) your will to defeat the world of men by means of proving something
beyond your understanding. (ax thud) (laughter) – As she swings, I vine
whip the crown on his head. – I plunge the rune blade
into the base of the neck. – Incredible (Mike laughs) I thought I gave you guys enough battle, but let’s fucking go for it. It was obviously a surprise round, so I will ask, Rekha, go ahead and make your
like three hammer attacks, go ahead and make your
attacks with your blade. – Can I have ray of enfeeblemented
him to prep him for– – Yes, absolutely. You guys all have readied actions. – I’m sorry, no, not ray of
enfeeblement, the other thing. – We’re just rolling? – Yeah, the three attacks
if you wanna rage. Well, actually if you’re
raging into bonus action so you get two. – Oh, that makes sense. So actually you’re just
gonna do two attacks. – Okay, cool, so, 15 plus 11 is 26, and then 12 plus 11, 23. – You hit both times. – Times two because of the– I meant path to the grave
where I make it vulnerable. – Oh, okay, so it’s double damage on this? Cool, so you’re gonna
roll nine D six plus 18. – Oh, that must’ve hit, sorry. – Yes, gotcha. – Do I need any more D six if that’s cool. Thank you. – Four, six, ten, four,
five, fifteen, twenty, twenty one, twenty seven,
twenty two nine, thirty two. – Did you do the plus 18? – Oh, plus 18. 32 plus 18, 50. – 50 damage? Jesus. – Do we have any idea if
this is how this works? – Well you’re just wailing on this dude. He’s still up. 50 is not enough to take
out a Vingury, but– – 23 to 20? 23 and 20? – Both hit. – That is 27 points of damage, and 23 points of damage. – 27 and 23, is that 60? – No, that is 50. – So that is 50, 50. You did an equal amount of damage. That’s crazy. So you guys like (stabbing) and you can see rippling void energy. – Wasn’t that times two though? 50 was times two? – No, one of the attacks was– it was only one of them times two. That’s why I said 96. – Was I enraged? – You were not rage. You’re all groovy. He’s still standing, thorn whip. How much damage is thorn whip? – Specifically for the crown if I have to make, I have
to do a melee attack to hit. – Yes, go ahead and make your attack. – Are you trying to like yank
it off his head or something? – Go ahead and make your attack roll. – To be clear, we’re beating
the shit out of Deckland for his crown? – Yeah. – Seven. – [Matt] Not giving him mine. – 27, is that how that works? – Yeah, it should be plus
your spell attack bonus. – Yeah, yeah, 27. – You hit. I’m gonna say go ahead– does it say when you’re yanking something that it’s opposed strength
or anything like that? – No, it’s just normally
you pull the creature up to 10 feet closer to you. It doesn’t say anything
about targeting an item. Plus there’s piercing damage normally. – Oh, do your piercing damage. Do the normal damage, yeah. – I guess you should have
already replaced the visor. – 14. – These guys have a
hundred and ten hitpoints, so you see that rippling void energy. His helmet starts to like
collapse onto his head as you (boom) just blow out the midsection of his breastplate, and you rend the crown off his head. Decklands crown (clatter)
clatters to the ground next to you and you can
see his body is destroyed, and you can see already
those swirls of smoke of his body start to
reform from the circlet. – Go ahead and grab the circlet. Well friends, let us
remember the mighty sacrifice of Deckland this day. You’ve done well, you
sorry little piece of shit. (laughter) – We’ve got your hat now. (laughter) – Walking back towards the anvil – Ya dumb nerd – Place it on the metal. Now on the knowledge we’ve
seen of how it can reforge, and indeed from what
you’ve maybe glistened and I from the book as well, in shattering this we
don’t want to make sure we lose the essence of the shadow lord. – This is a great question. And you already rolled very high and you did a full legend lore spell, so I’m not gonna like conceal
information from you guys. There is a reason that the elves guarded
crownsmithing so jealously. There is a tremendous skill to it. So you guys are gonna be making rolls with blacksmithing proficiency,
with a tool proficiency, and there is a potential– I would feel worse about saying this if you didn’t merc Deckland so ruthlessly (all laugh) and so quickly, and if you didn’t have three other Vingury to go through, but very sadly for Deckland there is a very real chance if you do a bad job making the crown, that his sacrifice will be in vain. (Matt and Rekha laughing) So you’ve got a like action. It’s not just like yeah just fucking silly putty like make a fucking crown. No you have to do the runes correctly, you have to forge it well. You have the book here with you, so you guys know how to do the shit. You can try to make the crown, and in that time you guys
probably also can like take a short rest if you need to. – [Amy] That would be great. – That would be fantastic. – I do want to ask Percival you say you can build a mean lean-to. You ever build a hat? – Build a hat? – Yeah, that phrasing’s a little weird. – Forge a hat. Forge a crown. – Have you ever beat
anything into submission so hard that it became something else? – I don’t know if I fully trust– – Yes, the man can barely feed himself. I’m not entirely certain– – Hey, I can feed myself. That’s how I know to do that. – He also tried to kill
us not 15 minutes ago. – He is a king though, so. – He can work a bellows. – He’s an utter rube. What do you mean just
because he wears a crown he can make a crown? Think about what you’re saying. – Well, can you? – I mean yes, answer the
question, just please. – I can make a lean-to and I know how to make
a plant form in a tree, so you can sleep in a tree
if you’re goin deer hunting. – Where is this going? – Why don’t you go and have a snack? – I hate you so much. – Hey you got more legs
than normal for a lady. – Okay, you need to go. (all laugh) – Anyone, anyone? – Please don’t talk to anyone. – He’s problematic for sure. – Anyone here with experience
with smithing tools at all? Proclivity towards forging? – [Erika] Not even a little bit. – Any of your kids in school for that? – You mentioned a short rest. That recovers HP and spell slots? – Yeah, so if you guys want
to stay here and try to forge you can take a short rest, but right now you guys
are still discussing what everybody gonna try to do. – I think we should try. – Where’s John? – I’m open to trying, and also I am a thief, so I work with traps and things like that. – Or perhaps is there a craftstmen locally that we know might be able to help us? – John, do you know anyone? – John looks up and says
yeah, well of course there is. There’s craftsmen beyond here. – You think Ipskix would be good at this? – It involves beatings. You’re right. – (laughs) Any of you guys actually can feel free to go ahead and make just
a flat intelligence check. – Natural 20. – [Brennan] Natural 20. – 22 total. – Six for me. – 12.
– [Amy] Nine. – [Rekha] 19. – 23. – You remember a long long time ago, as you’re thinking about– the concept of Ipskix comes up, there’s plenty of orcs that
know how to forge shit. Like, honestly they probably
do a better job than you guys, but then of course that
represents issues of can you get an orc that
knows how to forge a crown that would know how to forge
this crown in this book? But combining arcana with smithing is a very narrow Venn diagram, right? For the people in the blood keep. You know way north of here, beyond Gorgar, back in Karradkar, in the fortress deep in the haunted woods, that there were a number of oubliettes. Prison cells that people
were meant to be thrown into, locked, and forgotten about. And you used to throw
a lot of elves in there way back in the day when you
guys were riding further afield and the armies were way
farther than just Gorgar, that there is a sort of high-mountain elf with this cloud citadel of crownsmiths and mithril armorers, there was this guy named Avanash. Avanash was one of the people that had a small piece of crownlore that they would not share. That they would not share with Zaul’nazh. And so they were put in the oubliette to dwell there and just forget. But suddenly in your head you remember that if no one
has fucked with Karradkar and why would they, it’s sort
of abandoned and deserted out there in the woods, there is somebody out there in the world that actually knows how
to do specifically this. That might not work on the timetable you
guys were considering, but there is something to that. So you know one– your basically that nat 20 gets you– your best option is go find
the best orc at forging who’s still in the blood keep
if you want to do a rush job, or there’s somebody out in the world, far from here but not too far, that could potentially do the exact job that you’re talking about. – I relay this information to the group and be like so, choices.
– [Erika] Well, the question is if we
have that kind of time, because the blood keep
is crumbling as we speak. – Yes, yes. Well, maybe rush job? – [Amy] I say we get a rush job. – Two orcs
– [Amy] I absolutely believe. – who might be able to do
some sort of a patch job. – Yes, what is better than one orc? – How long is it that it would
take to get to Karradkar? – To get to Karradkar– – And how long on eagle? – At the speed the eagle flies. – Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. – Brennan shut up. – We all have been there before, yes? – Yes we have. – And there were quite a lot
of webs there that I left. Well you see I have something where we can be transported via my webs as long as anywhere on this plane as long as we’ve touched them before. – The interweb. – An interweb if you will, yes. – You are brilliant. – Well I definitely touched
your webs when we were there. I think we all did, right? We all touched the webs? – It’s fun to do. It’s a great consistency. – It’s also a very interesting texture. – Yes, it’s very relaxing. – It’s sticky but then it doesn’t actually stick to your skin. – Yes, that’s great, we should do that. – It’s both rush and precision job. – This feels like cheating. I love it. (laughter) – It ruins a four man (laughs). – Your children spin this
massive web before you. You guys look at this
shimmering thick ropes of spiderwebs around you. And it collapses before you and sort of the distance telescopes out and you are looking at a similar extension of the blood keep. Its outpost fortress of Karradkar deep in the northern forests and it is open to you. – Shall we? – I think we shall. – Yes. – I take the crown with me. – Great. Grab the crown. – Grab the anvil. – To be clear, or maybe
we don’t know this, or I can do a check if we have to. There’s a time limit on the crown itself? Like that is like a time bomb? That is expiring? Or the time limit mentioned was just the blood keep
starting to collapse? – I think it’s before
Deckland reincorporates. I think we have plenty of time. – Takes a while for you
guys to reincorporate. It’s at minimum like a day. – Also, again, I don’t
know if we know this, but if the blood keep crumbles, is that related to the mountain and the forge also crumbling? – Potentially. So like the forge could crumble,
the mountain could crumble. If the blood keep crumbles– The question mark in all of this is the rate at which things are decaying appears to be a little bit
slower but still happening. There is a possibility for example that the circlets could break and destroy. That they might just be like
tenacious in hanging on, but much like the blood keep, the foundations are wearing
thin and slowly breaking down. Time is of the essence, but that doesn’t mean
that you need to panic and run around in circles. You have some time, very little, but you have time to make the
decisions you need to make. So you guys follow Lilith, and you appear in the keep of Karradkar. – A bunch of children jump onto my back like are we there yet mom? – Percival can’t come, can he? – We just left. – So as many creatures
as can walk into this web in a single round can move through it. – Should we leave old hamhead here or are we concerned about her at all or do we bring her with us? – We’re taking hamhead. – Take hamhead. – We’re taking the
eagle, we’re taking ham, we’re taking the anvil,
– Percival we’re taking the crown. – The king. – Everyone on the bus. – We’re taking the king. – [Erika] We’re taking your ex husband. – Do those items transfer? – You guys can bring
the anvil and the crown and all that shit through. Pretty much the only people
that can carry the anvil are like Maggie and
Lilith for the most part, but you guys like (struggle). – All right, okay, it was a weird angle. – Pivot, pivot, pivot
– Turn a bit, turn a bit, turn a bit. Okay you’re good. – You guys come through along with Stalker who’s still holding Galafast
Hamhead and John Feathers, and so many spiders who
immediately jump off and they’re like field trip, field trip. Sort of running around. – Stay close, children. – You see Jason goes whoa, oh my god, this
place is like (sniffs), the air is so clean here. I can smell like squirrels and like beasts and stuff out here. You see a bunch of spiders are like looking out at the forest and you see that Jason, who you’ve never seen be
excited before, is like mom, there’s like tons of
animals and stuff out here. – Yes, lots of things to consume. – You see that he looks out and Jessa even looks out and goes wow, I bet you could like
really spin some huge webs in between these trees, like you pretty much have to be in caves to make like a big web in Gorgar. Out here in these woods you
can make all kinds of webs. – Well when you move out on your own all this could be yours. We can blacken the land with our brethren. – You see that the all go
yay and kind of skitter out. – This is why your
mother’s working so hard on all this stuff. – While–
– It’s true, I just wanted to provide for them. – Jason’s going off about
how cool the woods are, I look between him and Efink’s husband like that’s your thing. You’re not gon’ pitch this forest people? – The woods? Yeah. – The woods, that’s your thing. – The woods are great. You get out there in nature and you’re sleeping on the ground and– – Wait, what did you
ask him to do just now? Why are you asking him to speak? (Matt and Amy laughing) – The kids seemed excited. He got stories about the woods. – We’re all dying to hear
another story from Stalker. (all laugh) – It’s a riveting tale every time. – Well, Sokhbarr, aren’t
you excited by the animals that are in this wood? – Oh do you know who
would have loved these? The two guards outside of– – [Rekha] Hobbert and Frod?
– Hobbert and Frod? – Hobart and Krod? Froddy? Hobart? Yes, them. – Yes, them, yes. You see that stalker goes the woods are a place where you can go out and be by yourself. You don’t have to think about how you’re descended from
a famous king or empress and then you can see a bird. – All right. – Why don’t you go play
with uncle Stalker? And a bunch of them immediately swarm. – (yells) Spiders swarm all over them. (yells) Ah, that’s not bad. (Erika laughs) – Wonderful. You guys are here in Karradkar. Whoever wants to go look for Avanash can make an investigation check. – It wasn’t any of us
who put him there, right? – It was such a long time ago. – It’s an oubliette. You forget. (Brennan laughs) – 15. – 11. – Sorry, this is an investigation? Then I have 12. – [Rekha] Nine. – 13. – But I do have find– no I don’t have a find the path spell. – You can also make a search
for Jeremy if you’d like. – Oh, sure. That’d be fun. Couldn’t be smell, could it? Could I sniff him out? – Sure. He’s got advantage on that. – He’s got advantage on
perception checks of smell. First roll is 17. The second one is two. Let’s go with that 17. – Wonderful. 17 flat, or adjusted? – Oh, what’s his modifier? – I think you’re gonna add
his wisdom modifier there. – Oh, so then eighteen. – Awesome. – [Erika] I have a 16. – Wait, investigation
is intelligence, yeah? – Oh no, sorry, it would be intelligence. – Then minus four. (laughter) So not 17, 13. – [Amy] Or negative two.
– He’s like scratching his butt hands on the walls and making little marks in places. You guys search the room for a long time. I’m afraid that– – If that’s a negative,
well, you keep going. – I’ll roll for– – I do have a divination ritual that I can just ask her father and he has to give me the right response. – Oh, yeah, for sure. – Only as an action, so
it doesn’t take very long, but it is a simple reply. – Ask him if he’d rather have had a son. – What spell is it? – It’s divination. – Divination, great. – And it’s with a god or a god’s servant. Oh my god, what if I like
I’m asking and it’s you? Some version of you just have the answer. Okay, so I take my staff and I kind of circle it on the ground and say oh, oh dark evil
bone lord of the darkness, where is Abanash? (heavy breathing) (plume of flame) – And you see that a ring of
flame appears in front of you. And you see that there is
a vast infernal chamber outside of which there is a lake of fire in the realms of nightmare, and you see that Gogmoth, enormous, is sort of sitting in a
massive towering throne, and you see that there’s
like a little table in between him and Zaul’nazh, and that Zaul’nazh is just like hunkered over in a chair like this, and he’s got like a little
thing of tissues next to him. – Oh god, I hate seeing this. – And you see that
Gogmoth looks up and says servant, how’s it going? – Hi. – Obviously I’m– bring on the bad news. – Right, but it’s not all bad, and we’re thinking of
getting Zaul’nazh back, and also we’re kind of in control because we do have the king. The true king with us. Married to me secretly, so not as bad as it all looks. – Well congrats. – Thank you. Where is Abanash? – Hold on. (screams) Okay, you’re gonna go down the hallway on your left (Matt laughs) – Oh my god. – [Brennan] Go down the
hallway on your left– – Let me write this down. – And then there’s a secret door. There’s like a spar that
looks like it’s a rafter, but it’s actually a spar
and you just pull that down and it’s gonna open up and there’ll be a chamber of oubliettes. Third on the left, that’s your guy. – Third on the left. Are there more? The third person on the left? – [Mike] The third door. – Oh, the third door. – We’ve put a lot of people there. – Oh, I didn’t know if you
were stacking people, got it. Well thank you. – They’re always lain arranged in a line. – I do have Maggie here with me– – Sweetheart. – Hi, dad, hi. (guttural growl) – Why don’t you tell him the news. Maybe this will change his mind about the whole maternity leave
policy he didn’t have when I was working for him. – What news is that? – Dad, are you sitting? – I’m sitting. – I am pregnant. – (wailing) Flaming
tears fall down his face. (shouts) Wait a minute. Show me your hands. – No. – Show me your hands. – No. – Show me your hands. – Fine, dad, there’s no ring. – You mother fucker. And you see he takes a huge hoof and kicks Zaul’nazh in the chest. – No! – And you see he goes ah, my lord, – No! – He goes dumb ass piece of shit, you mother fucker (punching). Fuck you. You stupid asshole. – You’re acting like a cartoon father. – The flame disappears. – No! – Okay, down the hall, on the left, sorry, that was a bad.
– Lilith takes a huge swing. Honestly though it’s so traditional. – That might have been Maggie’s call whether or not to share that. (Brennan laughs) I don’t know if that
was really your place. – You could close up
that flame portal soon. – I wanted to have the opportunity and honestly I wanted her
to just cheer up Zaul’nazh ’cause that was sad and pathetic there. – Congratulations by the way. I think during the mess of everyone dying we never really said congratulations. – Thank you. Thank you
– Congratulations. – My fucking god. – He overreacted. He overreacted, and it came from a place of love. He’s just protecting you. – Sure. I’m sure he’s praying for grandson. Goddamn. – Should we plan a baby shower? Is that an appropriate
thing for a coworker to do? Is it a surprise? – Yeah, that’s like a weird– – Well let’s get Aberdash
to hammer something. – Yeah, sure, yeah.
– Yes, that’ll be nice. – Okay, so down the hall, to the left. – Pull the pin, then go to
the third door on the left. – You’re used to very cryptic messages and this was real
straightforward for once. You go down, you find these oubliettes, and again, you open
this strange stone door, there’s a hanging chain
and a winch next to it, and submerged deep in
like an underground river, you see that there is this hanging kind of like crow gibbet, you know like those
little like metal hinges that you would hang someone in, so there’s a part of this oubliette that just goes into water, so there’s like this elven smith who’s been in a cage with just enough, like he has to stand to
keep his nose above water, and had been like that for
the past about 250 years. – Another wet elf. (laughter) – You guys crank him up and you see he looks at you guys and the Avanash looks up and goes– And there’s no beard. You get a sense that if he had been human a crazy beard would have grown, but elves don’t have facial hair like that so there’s no crazy beard, but his hair is just insane, and he has this like
weird branded mark on him that keeps him alive without food. So he’s just been there alive
and unsleeping for so long, and he just comes up. And anyone can make an
insight check that wants to. – I’ll leave that. – Oh, nat 20. – Yay. – You look at this guy. This dude is full crazy. (Mike laughs) (laughter) He is full crazy. He’s been in a river in a
cage in a box in a stone cave for 250 years. He comes up, but what everyone else sees is he just comes up and goes oh hey. – Yeah, guys, I don’t know about this. – Why? He seems nice. – You seem like somebody I would have married a long time ago. (Matt laughs) – You just are the worst picker. It’s broken. – So I see this is happening again. Hello. – Hello. – Oh, Kraz-thun the Umber Knight. – Indeed. – Hello. – Why are they talking so softly? – This is deeply unsettling. And I cast Geas on him. – What is that? – [Rekha] I beat the shit out of him. – I force him to carry out some service or refrain from some action
or course of activity that I decide. And then he must succeed
in a wisdom saving throw or become charmed for the duration. And the duration is 30 days. – Cool. He looks up at you and
he says good to see you. You put me in that cage
and I don’t remember who I was or anything
about before the cage. – You remember nothing. – I will tell you
everything before the cage. Not that great, really. Not worth remembering. We’re here to remake you a new future. – Okay, wow, you are
the most stunning woman I have ever seen. – Why thank you. Avanash, we have need of your services. You know quite a bit a lot
about crowns, crown lore. – Don’t make this gesture at him, though. (Matt, Ify, and Amy laugh) – I’m so sorry. – Is it an issue if he
doesn’t remember anything from before the cage? – Oh gosh. – He looks at you and says
okay, so you want me to– – I’m going to need you to
help forging a new crown with the soul of a dark lord in it. – Okay, yeah, great. – [Rekha] Do you remember? – Do you actually remember how to do that? – Because it’s like a muscle memory. Maybe moreso than like a memory memory. – It looks like this. – I fully believe this guy’s
gonna smash this thing to hell. – You don’t think people
who fall off the bike and they get amnesia but they still remember
how to ride the bike? – Do you think this is a better
bet here than with an orc? – No, but when you said that you knew that we could either choose
an orc back at the keep or this person, and it was present tense
that he could do it. – Correct. He is the only individual
with the knowledge to do exactly what we need with very little margin of error. – You see that Avanash looks up and says well, I’m looking at that. That looks like a standard magical crown. Looks like sort of similar
to your circlet here, which is great. I should be able to bang
that out no problem. I guess my only query I would raise is how are you going to keep my bones? – I beg your pardon. I don’t quite understand. – Will you keep them, or
will the river take them? – Can you elaborate? – So again– – Just hang on just a moment. – I’ve said enough, but I think our position is clear. – Sorry am I being unclear? I’m worried about my bones. – What do your bones have to do? – Are you them? What? – I think you are fully talking to a– I think you would have better
luck talking to this wall than you would– – I think we bring Percival in here, and we have a little tit for tat. – I will take care of your bones. I will be the watcher of bones. I got your bones on lock. – I have a bone that I love very much. – Why do we think this
guy can do anything? Why are we asking about his bones? – Because Leland told us. – I look, I don’t mean to
undermine your life experience, but you are very good at things that are furry and full of shit. – Thank you, thank you.
– I spent lot of time near a crown. So I’m gonna do my best here. If you’re worried about the
water taking your bones, let me assure you, where we’re taking you there is not really a lot of water. Because there won’t be able to. Much drier. – I’d be the only wet thing there. – And we’d keep you far from her. – That’s sort of her thing, yes. – You see that Avanash
looks at you and says, listen, there’s a lot going on here. I’m a little bit rattled. I know that I’m not at my best right now. I understand that. So I’m happy to make this crown. The schematics are very clear. You’ve laid that out. I am gonna need raw materials. I’m gonna need something that has a piece of his essence in it. – That has already been at the ready. – Yes, we’ve got that. – This feels good, yes. – All right, you sound like
– See, see? you know what you’re doing. – And then what I need from
each of you as a promise is that if anything happens
to my bones I get your bones. – Yeah. – And what do you think will happen– What is the A to B on making this at your bones going somewhere? – Is he standing in the cage? Like is he upright and sturdy? What’s going on with his body? – You’ve opened the door but he has not like left the cage yet. So you like have it out on the ledge. – I poke him. Are there bones in him? – You poke him and he goes what does this lady think she is, a river? Help! – I would like to leave. – I don’t know if– I think this guy– I wouldn’t trust this guy
with a pair of tweezers, let alone to make a crown that only a master artificer would make. – You know what? What you’re doing, finding problems. We’re a solution based team at the moment. – All I’m saying is I’m not
gonna promise him my bones. – What was that for? Oh no. – Lovely. Can you give me a stealth roll as well? – 20. – Does anyone here have
a passive perception? Actually, I can answer
this question for myself. Lilith and Efink. As you guys are talking to Avanash, both of you guys think out
of the corner of your eye, you catch Markus’s hand
going for the crown (Rekha gasps) for a quick second. Nobody else notices that, but Efink and Lilith both do. – Lilith scuttles around. What in the hell, Markus? What in the hell are you doing? What are you doing? – What are you talking about? – What is this? – This is a cloak. These are gold jewels on my ring. – Markus, to what end? To what end are you stealing
the crown of Deckland? There, I said it. – I mean, if you’re gonna snitch me out. – Yeah, I’m going to snitch you out. – I was gonna– – We already have one
indiscriminate crazy character. What the fuck are you doing? – Well I was gonna switch out the crown so that y’all wouldn’t
ruin the actual crown by letting this crazy guy touch it. – You’re against him? – Yes. There’s no other person– all right. – Look, I’m willing to check up with Gorg and Gorm down in the– – What is crazy about wanting your bones? (Ify laughs) – How can we– like you already determined
he’s crazy, right? – He’s crazy. He’s full crazy. I don’t know if he’s– I
don’t know if he’s so capable. – [Rekha] Dangerous? – I don’t know if he’s still capable, but he’s not of sound– – I’d just like to throw
this out there really quick. Should we use the word unwell? Because I think– – It’s pretty, it’s yeah, able,
there’s something going on. I agree. – It seems a little nitpicky
at this point in our careers, but just it’s making me
a little uncomfortable. – I think that’s great. – Yes, and I– Avanash, how well, capable
do you think your are at this sort of task? – Are you seriously asking a crazy person how normal he thinks he is? – Unwell. – I would say this. Intelligence and competence
is domain specific. Crafting crowns, I feel very capable, protecting my bones, I don’t feel capable. (Mike laughs)
– Okay, it seems like the crown part of things
are pretty covered. – What the fuck? – 98% confident. – I don’t know. – I know the way we’ll handle this. What are the first five
things you’re gonna do to make that crown? – Well, you’re going to
have to get a fire going, which I don’t think we
have the ability to do here in Karradkar, ’cause the forges are defunct here, so you need to go somewhere
with an active forge that has equipment that I need to use, we’ll smelt the crown down. We’re gonna have to get a
crucible that’s reinforced with these same sort of
patterns of arcane runes here. Once we melt that down we’ll be able to pour that back out, and then I’ll take that, cool it, and then we’ll do a process
of beating that into shape, which will take a process
of a couple hours, and while beating into shape I can start to inlay
the basics of the runes and any gems that you wanna
put in there cosmetically. I don’t know if you want
cosmetic additions to the crown or if you just want
the most basic version, and then at a certain point, I guess I’ll just, throughout
that process, be tempering. I’ll need fresh water, and
I’ll just try to keep my bones. And other than that, that’s– (all snicker) – Hypothetically, what is the worst thing that you can imagine
happening to your bones? – I’d say
– I can’t believe – he’s worried about
the river taking them. – we’re entertaining this conversation with this man for this long. – You know me. I married Percival. I’m a curious lady. What is the worst thing you can imagine happening to your bones? – You see he says I’m gonna be very clear. Let me be very clear. – Please, please don’t mince any words. – The entire point of wanting my bones is that the worst thing, rather than what I imagine
would happen to my bones, is what could happen to my
bones when I don’t have them. Do you understand? – Sure. I just want it to end. – Nothing is more
terrifying than the unknown. And the idea that something
is going on with my bones and I don’t know about it terrorizes me more than any idea of a specific thing happening to my bones. – So we have this forge at the back of this scary volcano
– Let’s take him to the forge. I got your bones. – It sounds also like
we’re gonna need a crucible and a bunch of other
items too that we don’t– – Sure, sure. – Wait, hold on, I don’t want to just boss everyone along with our plan. John Feathers, what do
you think about this? – Who are you asking? – [Ify] John Feathers.
– [Amy] John Feathers. – You see that John Feathers (laughs). John Feathers looks over
to you and says look, (Amy laughs) I don’t know what to tell you. You guys seem strapped for ideas. (Mike and Ify laugh) It seems like this guy’s got a skillset that you guys really need, and at the end of the
day that feels valuable. What’s the worst that can happen? You guys got the other Vingury, right? Let’s say this guy turns this into a bone or does bone thing or
something, I don’t know. Well you just get another crown. – Well then we gotta go
all the way back, right? – Well we have to anyway to get the forge. – [Rekha] I guess so. – I wonder one more thing. – And we have three options for crowns. – Can I use insight to eyeball
the size of Avanash’s thighs and John Feather’s thighs? – What the, oh my god. – The pants. Can you craft pants too, with a crown? – I got a quick eyeball. Avanash– – [Amy] Oh, I thought you
were gonna offer him– – Avanash takes one step out of the cage and his clothes full disintegrate
and fall off his body. (laughter) – There are no pants. He’s been in a river for 250 years. They’re gone. You see he just steps out again and goes all right, listen, I’m happy to help. It doesn’t seem like I
really have a choice. I just want to say that already, I am without my clothes. I’m fully naked, and that is one more step to the elements getting to my bones. – I owe you a shopping trip. – Really, you’d take me shopping? – I’ll take you shopping. – Okay, I love it. That’s great. I love it. – I already owe John one. – Um, awesome. – I guess we’re going back to the forge. – Yeah, let’s go back to– – I have something called– I don’t totally understand
some of these things, like I have something called danger sense. Is that something I can only use when I’m battling with someone? – Danger sense, I think, gives you advantage on initiative checks. – Oh, okay, it’s not like
something I can do to like check if you are a dangerous person? – Could your children– – [Brennan] No you can’t
check it on people. – [Amy] Knit or weave some clothing? – It’s very very nice silk. It’s actually bullet proof, you know? – Okay, you coulda told me that. – What’s a bullet? – Cannonball proof. – Yes, projectiles. – You guys see that Avanash
walks out with you guys, John Feather and Stalker are still here. You see Stalker looks
over at Avanash and goes like hey, buddy, hang in there. I know everybody’s giving you a hard time. I think bones are good too. (laughter) – What are you guys doing in Karradkar? Are you guys all set? – You wouldn’t happen to be
able to web step us again? – We can just go back through the portal. – Can I just do a general search? – The portal’s only a
round, so six seconds. – Rats, rats. Okay. Well, actually– – Is that something you can do? – Yes. No. I might need to take a quick nap. – Like a short rest? – Could we also ride John Feathers? – You could absolutely ride. – It’s a lot of us. – Some of you try to ride John Feathers. You will not be able to all
ride John Feathers together. – Good thing everyone here’s crucial. – Sadly, but I also think that clerics don’t regain
their spells on a short rest. Only on a long rest. However, I will be a nice fella and I will say that you guys can go back through the web portal if you guys so desire. – What circle are you? – Sheppard. – Oh, gotcha, yeah, so it wouldn’t happen. – Before we go back, can
I just, while we’re here, can I just do like a general sense see if there’s anything
cool kicking around? Anything like artifacts?
– Yeah I was gonna do the same thing, but for pants. – Each of guys give me an investigation. You can give me an
investigation or nature, whatever you’re trying to ascertain. – Pants search. – I’m gonna do a nature
check specifically maybe to look for cool monster shit. – All right, and I got an
eleven on my investigation. – Eleven investigation? You don’t find any pants
around here, sadly. – You know I think Jessa
was the design major. – I mean what was that thing, can you make just quicky silk pants? – Silk? – Spider silk. – Jessa looks over and
says I think I can do that. – Great, thank you. Children? – I take a second. I grab her by her spindles like Jessa, this is gonna be a big order, because I’ma need you
to make a human sized– or elf sized pants. – Okay, we didn’t need that. – I feel a bit uncomfortable forcing a bunch of
children to make clothing. This has been an issue in
many parts of the world. – But this is very important. – And I don’t want to– It’s your choice. I just want to turn around and
just pretend I heard nothing. – That’s where you draw the line? – Yes, everyone has a line. – It’s good to know.
– We killed your friend. – It’s good to know where the line is. – We killed your friend. – He wasn’t a friend. He was a colleague, and
a shitty one at that. – And secondly I need an
eagle-sized pair from you, Jessa. – Those are much smaller. – I’m gonna roll in front of the board. I think this is a very important roll. (Mike and Matt laugh) – So, question, do eagles wear pants on
the legs or on the arms? – [Rekha] I think it’s on the legs. – Are you sure, because
those are more like akin to our arms, because you know, you grip things, and
then the legs are more– – On its wings? – I think it’s the
eagle’s choice, actually. – That’s true. – Oh, it could be both. – Yeah, John looks at you and says oh, double pants. (laughter) – The trend begins. – You see that– So I’m gonna roll a
craft-fashion check for Jessa. Let’s see how good Jessa does, and because she was a design major I’ll let her roll with advantage. (laughter) – So we’ll roll two dice here. (all shout) – Natural 20! – And a 19! – [Amy] And a 19! – Oh my god. – That’s the best thing I’ve ever seen! – (all chanting) Double pants. Double pants. Double pants. – How did she spin with
the color already intact? – You see Jessa does
the most incredible work you’ve ever seen. – Avanash is in this beautiful, it’s like straddles the line of like a coat and a robe. It’s like a partially open-faced robe with like a shirt, pantaloons under it, these like spider silk walking slippers, and you see– – There are full patterns woven in. – In like autumnal colors, you see that John Feathers has like this beautiful rich like corduroy brown spider silk suit, and he’s got like little
cuffs with cuff links that are made out of
chitinous spider carapace that Jessa kinda like
peels some like peeling spider spikes off, and so he’s got a full suit jacket, tie, shirt, pants, and he doesn’t have shoes on his talons but he does have spats. So he’s got like the tops on the talons. You see John Feathers– – [Amy] Oh my god. – Is like I’m gonna be very real. I look good. – Yeah, you do. – You sure do. – Markus, I’m not gonna forget this. And Jessa, for real. Thank you. – You must be very proud. – They grow up so fast.
– Can she design a crown? – I go into my bag and pay Jessa well. – Mommy’s special little girl. – She looks like she’s like Captain St. Vincent, this is so much. Thank you. – Hey, I just wanna start your business. Let me know. I’ll get them on my whole crew. – You see that Jessa holds it up to you and she’s like mom, look,
it’s my first paycheck. – Your mommy’s special little girl, and Lilith just bursts into tears. – You see Jason’s like wow, what’re you gonna do with it? – And she’s like I don’t
know, maybe I’ll like invest in something, like some stitching or
something like that. Or I’ll invest in maybe
someone to help me sell it. Or I might just scatter it
on some bones in my lair. I don’t know, it’s like the
world’s my oyster I guess. – Everyone’s talking about bones. – [Rekha] It’s making me sick. – I’m so sick of hearing about bones. – But Avanash, you are
dressed to the nines as well. How do your bones feel? – Well, they’re farther
away from water, so good. (all laugh) – Is he made of something weird? – I rolled a 13 plus six
for that nature check. – Awesome. You see there’s a lot of beasts near here. You sense there might
be some wargs near here. Also probably some spiders
that are kin of Lilith’s out here in the woods, like cousins maybe or something
like that way out there. You see that there’s also– (ominous ambience) but you do
feel something which is like a shadow in these woods
that is now leaving, and you sense pixies, unicorns, dryads, things beginning to move
back into these woods as though some spectral
evil has left this place, and a sense of urgency returns to you all about what your task is here. – More pants. (laughter) – So you guys return to the portal. You appear back in the forge of the scary volcano. I’m gonna go ahead and say Erika, I’ll make a deal with you. To make this spell less. I’ll say that if you don’t
wanna burn a spell slot in bringing everyone back here, just totally fine, you guys
can just walk back through, but I’m gonna say X out transport via web for the rest of the day. So that’s now like unprepared. Free spot in exchange for
a loss of a prepared spell. – Thank you. – Feels fair. – You arrive back. You see Avanash goes hot in here. Something’s wrong with all this water. You see that he walks over– – Oh no no no, don’t touch that. You don’t wanna touch that. And then she- – I would never touch water! Ha, ha, ha, believe me. I would never touch water, especially not orange water. No thank you. (Matt laughs) Okay, no thank you. I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough for a lifetime. I’ve had enough for two lifetimes. Okay, we’re all having a good time. – Maybe it’s the suit,
but I think I like him, – (laughs) I like the cut of your gib too, even though you ruined me forever. (Erika laughs) You see that he walks over to
the forge, takes the crown. He starts going to work. Looks like he really
knows what he’s doing. I’m gonna make a very important roll, now. – Before he does that, how long– I mean, yeah, ask him how long from beginning to end will this take? – He says well, do you want it done fast or do you want it done well? – Okay, well, I don’t need the sass. I just was curious. I’m just curious. – I have a lot of clients come to me and they just have these huge asks. – Do you have a lot of clients? – You have a lot of clients? – Yeah, do you though? – Okay, usually the Venn diagram is fast, cheap, and good, and we gave this to you for free and we really have a lot of resources, so you can do fast and good. – I gave you silk pants in exchange. – All right, we’re gonna do fast and good. – We’re gonna do fast and good. – We aid him in this at all? – Yes, you can give him advantage. – So again, how long? – He says he can maybe do two hours. – Oh, wow. – Yes, yes. – Oh yeah, people talk up crownsmithing. They talk it up all the time. They say oh it’s gonna take this long. – Oh, it’s like keys. It’s like making keys. – Yeah, it’s pretty easy. So I’m gonna go ahead and roll. He’s rolling with advantage because he’s gonna be getting
help actually from you guys. – While he’s doing this I’m gonna go ahead and
pluck a few very nice gems outta my pocket and prepare
them for superficial reasons. So not only can he reforge the crown but to make it with like
a little gift for me. – Couple beautiful– He says, oh these rubies are beautiful. – I’ve been saving them
for a special occasion. – Well, this is it. – Indeed. – You see he looks over. He’s gonna roll with advantage. He gets a plus 10 to his check. But the DC is 25. So, but he’s rolling with advantage. Any other PC shenanigans before I roll? Any other PC creeps? – I don’t think there’s anything else I can really do to help out here. – What is the check? – The check he’s making
is a tool proficiency. But he’s gonna roll. He’s got a plus 10 to
the roll, he’s very good, so he’s gotta roll a 15 or higher. And I will say this. He’s gotta roll 15 or higher. The DC for not ruining the crown is 20. So in other words he can try again if he doesn’t destroy the materials. So if he rolls– he has to roll a 15 or higher to make it. If he rolls both rolls
under 10, it’s destroyed. – We’ve gotta go kill some other guy. – I will say, ’cause with my rogue tools I believe I have tool proficiency as well, so I want to offer to
be like an apprentice, a helping hand. – Awesome. You guys have got it all covered ’cause you have the book,
you’re explaining the arcana, (blowing air) you’re helping
with the tool proficiency. – Is there a way I can touch it and put a death ward
on the material itself, since there is some
version of a soul in there? – Yeah, absolutely. Maybe to prevent just maybe one, if there were a mistake
it could still survive it? – Cool, so in other words, you’re gonna put a death ward. So that means that the
soul attached to this will not vanish or disappear
if the crown is destroyed. – Perfect, I do it. – Maybe focus on the shard
of the lord of shadow, and not Deckland. – Oh, yes, done. No, no, no, no,
– Dear god. – We’re on the same page
– I don’t want to have to explain that to him. – Yes, was he ever meant to survive? – All right, here comes the roll. Let’s see what happens. – Sixteen, great, (Erika and Amy cheer) so he beats it. You see that Avanash just– And you guys can take your short rest now. – Great – Oh, yes please. – So it’s your con modifier times– – But you do also burn these
dice before a long rest again. So remember how many dice you rolled because you can’t just
continually roll hit dice again, so you’ve burned one. You have 13 left. You’re doing pretty good. – Could be rolling higher. That’s for sure. – You guys are all doing that. You’re resting. Avanash is is working very swiftly. John Feathers is hanging out. – While they’re resting, you
know, my rest is shorter, can I go on a shopping trip? – If you wanna head back to the blood keep you absolutely can. – I would love to take
John on a shopping trip. – Wonderful. You can escort him back.
– Perfect – Back into the blood keep. As you guys head out– That is so funny. Cool, yeah, you guys are
all resting by the forge, and John’s going around. You see that you’re in this
weird thing called the– You’re in a section of the blood keep called the market of spines, and there’s a bunch of
ancient titan spines, like these sort of 40 foot tall spines with these sort of
humanoid kind of skulls, and it’s like a goblin market here. And you see John walks out and says wow, look at this place. – Yeah, do you like it? – I mean it’s grotesque, but it’s not bad. – Yeah. – You go up and you see there’s
a little old goblin woman who says oh, and who is this? – It’s Maggie. – Oh, Maggie, hello. Would you like to try our wares? – Well, actually, I’m here
for my friend John here. – We sell snails and bugs and
worms and crawling things. – Well, John, does any
of this appeal to you or are you strictly on a clothes hunt? – You see he looks and goes actually I’m pretty hungry and most of this is stuff I
eat, so that’s good for me. – Wonderful. Whatever he wants. It’s on me. – You see she says very well, my lady. You feel, Maggie, a rumbling
in the earth underneath you, and sort of all the goblins
look around and shrug. And you see John goes oowee. – What? What, John? What? – Well, it’s rumbling right? – But do you know what it means? – I don’t know, do these goblins all know what’s going on? What’s about to happen? – I don’t know, should I ask one of them? – I mean you can if you want. – Hey, goblin shop keep. – Yes? – Do you know what’s goin on? Why did the earth just rumble? – We don’t know. We sells worms. (Mike and Ify laugh) – Okay, but it seems like all of you kind of gave each other a knowing look. It seems like you knew what was going on. – No, sometimes we look at each other because we work together and when something strange happens we just look at each other. – Can I– what would I do? Investigate?
– [Brennan] Insight? You can do insight, yeah. – So 10, and then what do I add to that? – [Brennan] Wisdom? – Insight. – Oh, insight total. So 12. – You don’t get the vibe
that she’s lying to you. It looks like the goblins
are looking around sort of like a what’s
going on kind of thing. But maybe they’re
clueless as to the nature of the true happenings in this realm. Oh, and Trap, I would roll for Jeremy’s. – That’s what I’m doing right now, too. – While he’s also doing that I wanna approach Lilith and say I feel like you wanted to ask me– – Oh we need to have a talk, girlfriend. – Yes, and so much has happened. – Quite a lot. First of all, let me
preface this with saying I’m so sorry about your father. It was very unfortunate, and I don’t know if that’s
more closure for you. – No no, it is, and again
that battle is called the closure in the
caldera for me, forever. – Well that’s very catchy. – Well I love that word, now. It is the word of the day. – Very nice, well, so good, good. So we’re clear on that. And also may I just say I thought that you had left behind Elfinia and that you are truly knife backwards. – Oh, yes, have I not said that? – No, you’re telling me
– Effink is knife backwards. all the time, you first said
it when you were drugged, but now you tell us all the time, and you are so proud of it. – I am. Of course I am. – Are you not Efink blood-murder, – Murderdeath. – Murderdeath? Thank you. – Yes, but I do love Murderdeathblood. – Well then what is all
this business with your ex? – Okay. It’s honestly, yes, you’re right. I should– and I take my divorce papers and I throw them in the lava. – What? – You’re right (paper burning up). There’s a lot of business here. I, look, I think you know me. I’m an opportunist. Always have been. – Yes, that’s one of the
things I like best about you. – And in what world is being married– Look at me. I’m ghastly. No one would take this. – Oh, stop that. – But I find myself– – Stop saying mean things about my friend. – But I do find myself married to the king of
men, elves, and dwarves. – Stalker looks over at you and he goes– – Lilith looks over at Stalker. – He looks over and says there’s some places in
the rock around here you can put a snare and catch a ribbon. (Rekha laughs) – And though he is grotesque, just having him on our side, doesn’t it, I don’t know,
like feel really good? – Do you love him? – You know if you get cold you can take your hair off
your head and make a blanket. – Am I here? – Yeah, Sokhbarr is here at the forge. In this survival scenario, if you were in a survival scenario you can make a blanket. – I guess there’s maybe
a political argument to be made for just being the ruling
monarch of stuff, right? – Do you love him? – I don’t use this word lightly. This guy’s a goober. – And be that as it may, he is really just the lowest, low, the most garbage human I’ve ever met. – He’s the last person I
ever had relations with. And that was hundreds of years ago. – My goodness. – But do I love him? It’s a tricky question. Do you love me? Hey. Hey over there. Percival, do you love me? – Yeah. – I love that he loves me. I love that he loves me. – You’re the prettiest girl I ever saw. – What? – Not a lot of loving
statements, relationships, start with hey you over there. I don’t know, just an observation. – Yes, what do they start with? Eye-stalks spearing
into your fucking heart and then inseminating
your body from there? – Oh really?
– I mean sometimes, yes. – Sometimes. Love expresses itself in different ways. – Do you believe that, Sokhbarr? – Love is a many splendored thing. – That no loving statements
can come from that? – I’m just saying. – All right. – So, no.
– Hey you over there. I just wanted to get another look at you. – Aww. – You see that Jeremy is
standing perfectly stock still, and there is just this
enormous fucking smoking tumor that is moving around like
an air bubble in a balloon, just like (churning). – [Amy] No. – The thing with Jeremy is I’m never sure when there’s
something wrong with him or whether it’s just a thing he does. (Rekha laughs) – Love comes in many forms and
is a many splendored thing. Well, here’s the thing, darling, is that you deserve better. You deserve love in your life, and here is just a thought. That once we once again
control all of this, and we have everything kind
of tamped down in a safe spot, then really you could rule the realms of men and elves
and eagles on your own, because you are a queen in your own right. – A hypothetical is that I become queen? – While you’re doing this, I wanna introduce interesting, because John Feathers
has already walked away, you’re helping Avanash diligently. What are you guys up to, basically? – Helping Avanash. – Technically, yeah, I’m helping Avanash. – So I guess while this is happening– – I’m just yelling over from the end. – Yeah and stuff getting ready for the, helping the bellows (puff of air), going anything he needs (hammer on metal), and kind of just looking
over towards Markus at some point where it’s
kind of a lull in the moment. – Yeah, it’s starting to get hot and heavy so I leave the mask on,
but I pull my cloak off, show my completely ripped (Matt laughs), like you’re like damn, is that
Idris Elba, and it might be. – And I’m not gonna lie. Leland sneaks a peak over there. But at some point does reach out amongst the heap and be like you know, Markus, I do know a thing or two about being forgotten royalty. – Really? – Before this fabulous porcelain and corporeal visage was as it is, I was sixth in line
for the silvered coast. – Six, man, I was mad about being second. – So imagine how things were for me. – I know what it’s like to be discarded. Left behind. Not considered worthy
of lineage or legacy, and it frankly sucks. Sometimes it drives you to
join in with the dark lord and murder your entire family, but I just want you to know, if you need anyone to talk to I’m here. – That means a lot, really, it does. I kinda lost focus there when you said you murdered
your entire family. (Brennan and Rekha laugh) Because I was like oh man
the only thing keeping you from being king was killing
five of your brothers. You could have just stopped there. Have you ever considered that part? – Well, you have to understand, it was at the behest
of the lord of shadows. – Oh, okay. – I mean really, once
you conquer and destroy and burn the entire kingdom
there’s not much to rule, but at least I wasn’t
beneath them anymore. I keep this in this nice
little crystal in my room where I can look to the
spirits and ask them questions and watch them scream. It’s fun. You should try it. – That’s cute. I don’t think I’ma try that. – Okay, well it’s there if you need it. – I’ma trying a whole different thing. I’m probably gonna
definitely kill my brother, but my dad and the rest of
the family, the kingdom, I’ma keep it intact. – Ah, you’re gonna make them suffer. – No, no. – You sure, just a little tease? – No, just was gonna rule. – We have means of doing
– Yeah, no. – We can prolong their existence and you can just tug and pull if you like. – It’s really exhilarating. – Damn I guess I am different
than a lot of you guys. (laughter) – But we have so much in common. – Yeah, we definitely have that in common. Like I feel that, but nah, my endgame goal is to
live as a pirate king and maybe shoot down some
airships every now and then, and kick back and rule my sky kingdom. After I murder my brother. Like that’s the one bad thing I’ma do. Y’all got a few things. – How romantic
– All I’m saying is that yes, lycans, and yes, queen. – Oh, yes, queen. – You guys look over and you
see that Avanash walks up, claps his hands together,
looks at the five of you, and you guys are sort
of deep in conversation, you guys are deep in conversation
over here with Stalker, and you see that Avanash
comes over and says (sighs in satisfaction) well, that is maybe the fastest
I’ve ever gotten it done, and it is done. And so let me check. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven– – Is this gonna take a long time? – Are you gonna count all your bones? – [Matt] He’s ahead of schedule. – Well, again, we had an agreement, which is that I get your bones if I don’t have all my bones. – You know, I can do a
little cursory glance here and I’m gonna tell you I think they’re all there. – Oh, well great. Well then we’re all good. The crown is perfect and you
guys have it and that’s great. – Thank you. – What is this crown– – We take the crown. – He’s not holding it. – Is it over on the anvil? – No, I gave it to your friend. – You give it to Hamhead? – Uh, the little one. – God fucking dammit. – Wait, no, what? – I gave it to little Hamhead. – Jeremy, sniff her out. – Immediately, just looking across the entirety of the caldera. – We all start looking. – Yeah, he says, yeah I
gave it to Hamhead and– – The one in the chains? – Uh, yeah, she wasn’t in chains
when I gave her the crown. You guys were talking, I went over, checked in on
here, I had the forge tools, she was like hey, and I popped the chains, and then gave her the crown. She took out, she asked me
to put the anvil in the lava, points over, and you guys
see the anvil (bubbling) (burning up) Explodes in flame, and he goes so– – Someone push him in lava. (laughter) – You see he goes, no water! (flame) Hits the lava, bursts
into flame, and is gone. – Well, it was a great idea to trust him. I wish someone would have warned us. – The crown is fixed though. The crown is fixed. – Well– – [Brennan] Give me an investigation check or arcana, whichever one you want. – That would be twelve. – You sniff– it’s been gone, but you sniff the last crown. The last crown exists again somewhere. It is maybe not as powerful as the crown that Zaul’nazh
formed for himself, but it is something like it. Now the only question is
it being created again, and him, you don’t feel his presence, means that something else is going on, and you might be able
to guess what that is. – It’s Deckland? – No, I’m sorry. Not Deckland. Anyone can make an– I’ll actually just say that as you’re like scouting around for it (Matt sniffs), you’re sniffing it out, you don’t feel Zaul’nazh’s presence. Anyone that wants to like can make I guess like an insight check to see if you can understand
why the crown is completed and Zaul’nazh is not back. – I’m gonna instead roll my bones of fate and take the 50% chance. – And if I’m not in the
room do I not do this? – You do not do this. – I have an 18 for insight check. – 18 for an insight check? – 15. – No one beat a 20 on that insight? No worries. So either Avanash was lying, but you do something that’s like no that smells enough like it. That smells like something we could use. – Can I have, can Jeremy and I try to like track, sniff out– I keep calling her Hamhead because I can’t remember her first name. – Galfast. You can call her Hamhead. – Also I am outside. Did I get to see her? – You’re off in the marketplace. You guys I assume take off after– – Oh, immediately. – Yeah, woosh, you guys
get the fuck outta dodge. You see that John Feathers actually probably can’t
fit through the door, so you see that John– – He’s with me now. – Oh he’s with– no he
could fit through the door. So you see that it’s just Stalker now ’cause you guys pushed
Avanash into the lava. So you see Stalker runs
after you and he goes oh and Galfast get out of here? – Stalker, sweetie. Did you unchain the halfling? – Nah, I just put the
elvish medicine on her ’cause we were taking
a nap, so she woke up. – Are they– – Who stopped me from killing ‘im? – No you guys tried to kill her but I brought her back with elf medicine. – No on, yeah, no, I mean killing you. I’m talking about
specifically killing you. – No on, don’t kill him. Not just yet. He’s a king.
– Well if you’re married, and I killed you, you’d still be queen. – That’s how secession works. – No one would recognize it. We need him. – This is the fella I stabbed three times and then he was too scared
so he jumped on a bird. – Oh, you son of a bitch (Mike laughs). – Hey, hey, hey
– [Ify] Don’t you dare! – Hey, we have bigger, pressing problems. – No, no, no, you’re not gonna downplay the cool ass shit that I did. You stabbed my three times, yes, and instead of taking
your life swiftly, I went. – Do we really need him
– Did a flip, – Alive?
– Grabbed this eagle, – Yeah we do, yes. – By the neck, and I went to
bargain with him to come back and claw your ass back into the lava, but the bartering took too long. He was just busting ma’ balls out there. So then by the time I got down you were already in
lava and then somehow– (Erika shushes) you came back to life. – You wear a lot of
jewels like a fancy man. – Yeah, I’m real fancy. I’m real fancy. – Percival, you’re pissing
people off right now. You should probably shut your mouth. – You are nature man. That is one of the few
things that you can do. Is that not the case? And you tracked these halflings halfway across the lands, did you not? – That’s why they call me Stalker. I’m good at– I can find ya. – Yes, no, because I love
you, and because you love me, you will find this halfling. – All right, let’s do it. And you see he goes off and
he’s going to start tracking. I want you guys to know that on my phone is a photograph, not from here, but from while you were all talking of a nat 20 stealth check
from Galfast Hamhead. (Matt laughs) While you guys were all
talking, and it’s on camera. – [Erika] Tamped down in safe spot– – So Stalker peels off out
of the tunnel with you guys. As you run, give me a
nature check, actually, as you guys are heading out. – That is a seven plus six. That is 13. – You hear something rumbling. The lava mog deep in the
heart of the scary volcano. This thing is gonna blow. And it’s not too far from the blood keep. It will be a matter of time. Things are ramping up. You guys race out from here. Make a perception check
for me if you’d be so kind. – That’s going to be a 23. – As you’re running, just because you’re like
pissed off at this guy Stalker, your hearing stone is missing. – Son of a– Oh, I got so many people to kill. (laughter) – When we’re done with
this I’m going to kill him. I’m going to kill him. I don’t care what she says. – Honestly I wanna kill all of you if I’m being totally honest. – That’s fair. That’s entirely fair. – You guys rush out from here. Maggie, you’re in the marketplace, and now you’re actually in
a little goblin hat store, and you see that there’s
a little goblin being like welcome, all the hats are made of skin. – Whose? – Well, I can tell you, well the nicer stuff I
can actually tell you. This skin comes from a man
named Mathias of Tiriath. He was a warrior who was trapped in a pit and we skinned him and we made a hat. And he was an old empire warrior of light et cetera, et cetera, and now he’s a hat. – Oh, perfect. – And you see that John goes like this is a little grim for me. – Really? – Yeah. – Is it the skin or the hats? – I mean leather is leather. It’s just that I don’t wanna, if I’m flying around with a hat, and I’m going like oh this
used to be a guy named Mathias, I’d rather not know. Almost like yeah, it’s
a little too personal. Does that make sense? – Oh, you don’t want a hat with a name. – Right, exactly. – You want a hat without a name. – Also, I’m just trying to think– I don’t know if I can pull of a hat. – John, stop it. Literally stop it. Of course you can. – I don’t know. Once you become a hat
guy you gotta commit. – No, you can be whoever
you want to be, okay? Don’t let society tell
you you gotta be a hat guy just ’cause you’re wearing a hat, a silk guy just because
you’re wearing silks. You could be whoever. Change every day. It doesn’t matter. It’s all fluid. – I want a fuckin’ hat. – Lets’ get one, bitch.
– Let’s get a fuckin’ hat. You guys all zoom in and you see Maggie here at the hat store. Maggie you see all these guys show up looking like panicky and
like Stalker in the lead, all these goblins start
looking and they’re like “Man of Tiriath!” and like freaking out. But you guys see Maggie here. – We have to go. – Why? What about the hat? – John, hop in the back. We gotta fly
– I grab a hat and just slam it on
Jonathan Feather’s head. – Let’s go. – He looks amazing. – Yeah, he looks great. Let’s go. (Matt laughs) – Incredible. Where do you guys go from
the market of spines? – We follow Stalker. – Yeah, is he smelling anything? – He keeps going out,
going out, and going out. – I try to go up with John and get a bird’s eye view of everything. – No pun intended. – It’s a John’s eye view. – Full eagle in a suit. – [Rekha] (laughing) And a hat? – Beautiful hat. – Can I have Jeremy
sort of sniffing out too just in case I maybe don’t
have total confidence in Stalker’s abilities or intentions? – Also 1000 spiders children come with us, darkening the land as we go. – [Brennan] Incredible. – I’m gonna roll my bone. – Cool, you roll your bone. Let’s just go around the table
real quick person to person and we’ll track what
everybody’s kinda doing. – Maggie, what are you doing? – Oh my god, I think
I’m shaking people down. Did you see this halfling? – Give me an intimidation check. – 16 plus three, so 19. – Cool, you’re running around. You’re back up near like
the top of the blood keep back near where the
throne room is kind of, and you run across master Ipskix. You see he’s running around and you see he looks very
perturbed a little bit, and you see he goes my lord, Maggie, pleasure to see you. Some of the screaming pain
spirits have flitted off almost like the charms that
were burning them have broken. – Okay Ipskix have you
seen a little halfling running around? I don’t like your dumb fuckin’ theatrics. Just answer my eustion. – A halfling? Here in the blood keep? How would that happen? – Well it doesn’t matter. That’s not what I asked you, is it? I asked have you seen one? – Well, if you want to see a halfling I could saw a man in half. – You are the least funny
person I have ever met. – You see Ipskix’s face truly withers and he looks at you and just
goes I haven’t seen a halfling. – You haven’t seen a halfling? Cool, maybe next time that’ll be the first
thing outta your mouth. (Ify, Matt, and Brennan laugh) Consider your fuckin’ type five. And then I push him into the ground. – The ground cracks underneath him. As you walk away, that was the most intense
thing I’ve ever seen. – When I was pregnant I
decimated a whole kingdom because they didn’t have
the chips that I wanted. It’ll do crazy things to you. – Incredible. You rocket off past the throne room. Leland, what’s he up to? – If Sokhbarr wants to come, I was going to go ahead
and retrieve my wyvern, and since Deckland does not need his, if you would like something
to ride that flies, since we have a bird as well. – Sure, sure, we could do that. Let’s do that. – All right. – Hell, yes. You guys rush over to the aerie
where these things are kept. You see littered on the
ground are the dead bodies of orcs and goblins, and you see that the
runed, shackled collars that the wyverns are kept under, the enchantment on them left and the wyverns broke out of them. Sokhbarr, you see it looks
like the wyverns ate their fill and flew back to the mountains. – Well, shit. (Brennan and Ify laugh) – Indeed. – There are other things in the– There are some bats in the aerie. There are some dire bats. There’s other things that were not strong enough to break out that were kept under sort of normal lock and key, not magical. So there are flying steeds here, but your badass wyverns have
fucked off and vanished. – Are bats all right? You tell me. – To ride? To what are you proposing? – To quickly get around and
search for these things. I take a moment to see if I can sniff and catch a directional essence
of where this crown may be. – Awesome, give me arcana. – That’s gonna be a 14. – It’s hard. You can’t smell it on the wind so it’s like either so far away or it’s still in the blood keep somewhere. It’s like a 50-50 between
those two, which is– – Then, and then can I have
Jeremy try to sniff out Hamhead? – Yes, go ahead and give him an investigation check with advantage. – Tell him capital H,
not like lowercase H. – Investigation with advantage? – Yes, so he gets that minus four but he can roll twice
and take the better roll. – Oh, because investigation
is intelligence. Got it, right, very good. Nat one. And six. That’s crap. – So as Jeremy’s having a
hard time finding Hamhead, you guys go out there but you see Markus up on
John Feathers outside. You guys could grab these bats and go join if you want it to like scour
the skies kind of thing. – Then I’ll take the bats. Can I release the bats
and cast beast sense, which lets me see what the bats see? – Yes, absolutely. Go ahead and roll I
think just a perception. And I’ll go ahead and add plus four to it. – Perception. That is 16 plus three
is 19 plus four is 23. – You beast sense out. These bats fly over. You see that Sokhbarr’s
eyes roll back in his head. – And it’s super hot. (laughter) – And he’s wet. Dripping wet. – Just exuding slime. – The bats scour the land. You do not see Hamhead, but you do see a huge
column of warg cavalry riding back from the door of doom and you can see white fire being lit. The armies of light are now
within sight of the blood keep. Still a hundred miles away,
but you can see the advance. And you see a column of warg riders. As you look at them, at the head of them, broken spear hafts and arrow
heads throughout this body, and like bandaged up is Olag. – No way.
– Riding back with a singular look of
determination in his eyes. So you guys see– So you see that. That’s what you manage to find. Efink. – Bone roll. So I’m gonna spin my bone and let it fall. – Hell yeah. – And my question I guess, or what I’m trying to determine, is the I guess– and I know that this is a 50-50 chance that I’ll even get a good answer, but I wanna know the fate of the crown for the indeterminate future. – You roll your bone and
you can hear the voices of Ozzra, Orgra, and
Obisiol speaking to you and all of them say your majesty, you will find the crown. You will find it where
you least expect it. It shall come to you soon. We swear. Did you like this? Was this good? – I give it four and a half stars. (laughter) – Wow. – Four and a half bones. – It rests on the throne
of Zaul’nazh even now. – Oh, five stars. Five big bones. Who am I kidding? Great. Thank you. We should turn around. – Oh, all right. – Cool. You have to rush off and find these guys after you’re throwing your bone. What is Lilith up to? – Has she told me and– – No, what were you doing up
until that point, I guess? – I guess I would have just
been following Stalker. – Yeah, you’re following behind stalker. Yeah, Stalker’s leading you around. It brings you also back up to that like center spire at
the very top of the blood keep near to actually the area
of the sort of the portico or whatever, the area of where The Siren was originally moored. And starts snooping around up there, but then you guys hear, all hear– And then actually, Markus, you’re like flying
around on John Feathers. I’ll do one for John and you can give me a
perception check as well. – It’s gonna be 15. – You’re just like
scanning the ground here for like this little fuckin’ halfling. John looks around and says I’ll be honest, I don’t see her. – Like you don’t see her like– – I’m seeing a lot,
and I’m not seeing her. – Okay, that’s a good check. – I mean hey, what do you think? Should we fly out further
and see if we see her or? – He looks at the armies of light and he looks at the column
of warg riders and says I think we should maybe hustle back. Even money says that halfling’s in the
blood keep hiding somewhere. – Oh, I love you. Let’s go. – He looks and says I just always was like eagles fight with the side of light, and I’ve become more, I don’t know if this is too sentimental, I’ve just become more of myself today than I ever thought. (Matt and Erika laugh) – See here’s the difference I think. We’re listening. We’re not using you for our– I mean we kind of are using you for our– but you have a say too. – You’re not using me. We have a contract. We have a deal.
– Exactly. – We have a deal. Some fuckin’ moth shows up and says hey, fuckin’ Kasara is
trapped on the top of a tower. Go get her. Okay, like I didn’t have things to do? – What do you get out of that? – What do I get outta that? Like I didn’t have shit to do? Okay, sure. Just some fuckin’ bird. I’m as smart as a human being but because I don’t wear
pants I’m like an asshole. I don’t know, it doesn’t
make any fuckin’ sense. – Look, you’re getting your golden nest and everything you asked for, but look, when I take over my
kingdom, kill my brother, (Rekha laughs) take my
rightful place on the throne, there’s always gon’ be a
seat for you at the table. – Aww. – (wings flapping) That’s
what I like to hear, Markus. – [Ify] There’s always
gon’ be a seat for you. – Let’s get it done, and then
turns around and flies back. You guys are up in the throne room. John Feather is there. Stalker and Lilith show up. You see that Hobbert and
Frod are still out there and you guys all sort of
converge on this place. And he goes ‘ello, everything all right? (Rekha, Matt, and Mike say uh) (boom) The blood keep shakes, and by like a fraction of a degree you guys feel the floor tilt a little bit. (dramatic music) Oh, look, it’s like– – We have to get in there, so move aside. – Sorry the lord of
shadows is taking a nap and having a snack. – Okay, listen. – No, we were the ones who told you that. – Lilith kicks down the door. She just rears up on her
hind legs and goes (boom). – We just see Hobbert and Frod go (shouts) it’s our job to not let the door happen. – What? I beg your pardon. – It’s our job to not let the door happen. – Well the door happened. – You see they go and they say we’re gonna go complain to our log. And they both go run off. – Bust in there. – You bust in there and you
guys are in the throne room. – It’s on the throne. I knew it. I knew it. It’s on the throne as we speak. That’s what they said. Yes, I’m amazing. – You guys see a bear
throne in front of you. – There it is. My bone. – Who told you it was here? – My bone did. Oh no, my bone.
– Efink. – [Amy] That’s knife backwards – Yeah, so this is the second time you beefed a pretty big– – [Rekha] Bone throw. – Pretty big bone throw, which again, I feel like was the main
thing we’re relying on here. When you hear the information. – Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait. Her stupid husband also brought me here. I’m gonna do a perception check. – Cool, go for it. – Oh no, Percival. – 25. – Yeah, Percival looks at
you and you see he goes I was tracking Hamhead, and she
must have come through here, but then when we saw
all them coming through we kinda dipped off the trail to come here and talk to your friends. – I can jump back on the trail if you– – Why wouldn’t you stay on the trail when we said find the halfling? – I thought maybe you knew about a web. – I’m sorry, what? – I thought maybe you knew about a web. – Knew about a web? You’re going to have to be– (Rekha shouts) (Brennan laughs) – Oh my god. (Rekha laughs) – Did I distract you, honey? – Yeah, you’re the
prettiest lady in the world. – Yeah, that’s on repeat isn’t it? – We can go live in the forest. – Oh my god, you’re starting
to repeat a lot of things. Are you a sound board? – I got chewed up pretty
bad in that lava monster. – Enough. Find the trail. And also, at the same
time, ’cause the spiders, if they’re attached in any way to the web, they can communicate with each other throughout the blood keep. – Yes, throughout the thing, so all your spiders
are communicating back. You hear Jessa being like I’m down here in the torture room, mom, I’m not getting anything. Jason calls back up and he’s like I’m in the library. There’s a bunch of books attacking a lady. Other than that, pretty much nothing else. – The hours of that. (laughter) – Keldriel. – Your spiders are getting
back to you everywhere. You guys hear drums in the blood keep. Not from up here in the council, but you hear cries from down in the central
plaza of the blood keep. Like the great grand causeway
where the armies march, and you hear a voice
shouting out from down there. And you see that the armies are gathered, and it looks like a lot
of people are spooked. The blood keep’s been moving around. You see there’s like orcs and
goblins and things like that, and you look down there and
see Olag atop this giant dais, light these torches, and he goes Orcs, goblins, trolls, for too long have we allowed the years of our one true lord, Zaul’nazh, to be bent by those who do not have his
best interests at heart. Who do not even love the
idea of dying for him. You see he looks out and goes I have been to the door of doom. I have lept into the fray. I tried so hard to get killed. Truly, truly so hard, and I killed instead. The doors of doom have fallen. Screams from all the–
are gathered around, (screams) says our lord, Zaul’nazh, has fallen. His crown is destroyed. And I say this to you now, treachery. Treachery from his council. His false mistress. His lords and seers seen false. His mercenaries plunder him dry, and his right hand stabs him in the back. Roars go up and you see that the Vingury
that are assembled there look to each other, and you see they say we do not feel the force of
death from our brother Deckland. Something treacherous indeed has happened. At that exact moment the doors fly open. Hobbert and Frod weeping come
out into the plaza and say they kicked down and made the door happen. And you see that Olag goes storm the blood keep, find
the traitors, make them pay. And then we die together, slaughtered by the forces of light, to let Zaul’nazh know that
we are his true servants. – Okay. (Matt laughs) – Markus floats down next to everyone. What’d I miss? (laughter) – Oh, my god. – Mistress. You asshole. (laughter) – So yeah, John here says
crown’s definitely in here, so as long as we have free reign to be running around the
castle without any danger, we should be able to find
that crown (snaps) real quick. – Seal the exits. – What’s going on here? – Make the door rehappen. – What? – The crown isn’t here. – There’s some sort of populous uprising. We are I guess the ruling elite right now. – How do you become the
villains of the villains? – You look out, by the way, and see all through the window, first of all you see
hoards of goblins, orcs, the three Vingury,
everybody like storming up through the blood keep. – We have to get out of here. We have to leave. Bats for everyone,
– [Erika] No. – Eagles for everyone.
– No, this is where the halfling is. We find the halfling, we find the crown. – Okay, new plan. Even that crown, I don’t
think was the best. What if we all just jumped
onto the good wagon real quick? – What, no. – We have the king, I’m the queen. Grant everyone amnesty,
we’re all fucking great over in the other city across the way. – Let me tell you a little bit something about the good of men
and elves and eagles. – Thanks, I’m not a good example of that, but I appreciate it. – We all spent our time
there in the good of Tiriath. You, sixth in line,
ignored by your family, until the dark lord
plucked you from obscurity. You, with your family and your brother. Your brother who told
you you were nothing. And now what? Now what do we have? We have power. We have each other. This crown, this keep, is our one chance at happiness.
– Lilith, I’m not a pedant, but you only pointed out
two people right there. (Brennan laughs). – Do you want me to go
through every single person? – No, we don’t need you
to go through everyone. – No, it’s fine
– It’s all right. It’s okay. – You see that Jessa goes, pretty thirsty to ask
for a compliment, yeesh. (laughter) – Okay, okay. Well her father was a dark lord and you know, the elves are
slaughtering your people left and right. So what? What are we going to do? – I think this very much gives a bit of an insight
into your duplicitous nature to jump sides so quickly.
– Yes, I agree. – I’ve literally said it the entire time that I wanted to keep the good guy around. – Everyone’s– plenty of fish in the stream. – You guys wanna come over
for dinner, you’re welcome. – But the other option is to fight this army
with Olag in the lead and I don’t know if– – Or to find the crown
as quickly as possible and restore the dark lord. – I’m gonna need perception
checks from everybody. – Great. – Cool. – 17. – Four and a four. – 28. – 20. – Is Jeremy rolling as well? – No, that’s fine. – Lilith, and especially Markus, you guys both look outside as this like find the crown,
defend the blood keep, or go to the side of good, you see descending from the clouds The Siren pulls up outta the clouds– – (laughs) We back baby. We back. Get it ready baby, we back. – Wait, Markus, explain? – Oh, my flying ship is here. – The Siren is supposed
to be at Tor’Kelen. It is a direct
contradiction of your orders that it is here. But you see that it lands and starts to batten down
and tie itself to the port at the outside of the tower. – Didn’t your hearing thing disappear around the same time the halfling did? Didn’t your little
communication with your ship disappear around the same
time the halfling did? – If these motherfuckers stole my ship and parked it here– – To the ship? – To the ship. – [Matt] To the ship. – [Rekha] To the ship. – Oh, yes, yes, and back
on the dark side, yes. Full force all the way, right Percival? – I don’t know who you’re fighting for. – Me. – Okay. – When all this is said and done, can we feed her to you? – Yes, yes. – You guys rush off together. John Feathers just takes off and he says meet you
at the ship, takes off. The rest of you flee from here. Thankfully it’s near the ties. You can feel the hoards coming up through the
blood keep underneath you. You can hear, you hear a bunch of (screeching) screeches, you hear Miles screaming out Leland, we’d like to talk about
where Deckland might be. (Matt laughs) You guys all head off. You rush through. As you guys do, Stalker looks down. As you guys rush towards the ship he looks down and pulls a thread from the little spine of the statue and he goes look at that. That’s halfling cloak. And rushed off towards the ship. – Follow suit, yeah. – You guys rush towards the
ship as fast as you can. You arrive. You see old Pickering
on the deck, tying up. – What are you doing? Why’d you come back? You got the treasure already? – Sir, I thought you might know. You had your servant call us back. – No, that was an idiot. It was that little halfling, right? – You see he says I don’t
know from a halfling, sir, but I’ll tell you this is true right now. We made our way to Tor’Kellen thinking that only orcs
and whatnot are there, but what we saw is that
the orcs were slaughtered, and all of the sort of siegecraft just crumbled like the
runes didn’t work anymore. – Smart move. Where’s Ann? – Oh, so someone summoned
a million ghosts. – What?
– What? – What? – I’m sorry, what? – Someone summoned a million ghosts. – A million– are you being hyperbolic?
– That doesn’t even make any sense. – But like bad ghosts, right? – No, these ghosts are– I don’t know. It’s debatable. – But ghosts are our thing. That’s explicitly most of what we do. – I don’t know they summoned– – That’s bullshit. – I agree. At the time I event went like god, if these ghosts had gotten
here like two hours earlier, all these people would still be alive. It was really terrible. It was like a strange sort of
like military deus ex machina that left sort of a sour
taste in everyone’s mouth. – Oh, yeah, that’s– – This is the worst day ever. (laughter) – Pretty terrible, I’m not going to lie. – I would like to reposition
our option to join them. And just say that perhaps
that is an option. – You’re not coming on the ship. (laughter) So I go up to old Pickering,
kiss him on the forehead– – Oh, captain. – You remember the first rule. Always save the ship. Where’s Bad– – You see that Bad Henry
calls up from the crows nest and goes captain, I’m looking down, and I see that people are rushing up. – Oh, yeah, we’re in
a bad place right now. Also we got a new member of the crew. Wanted to introduce him
before we get into all this. This is John Feathers. He’s part of the crew. – You see they all look and you see there’s a weird moment where they’re sizing each other up, you see that Bad Henry goes
well, you’re a large bird. And you see that John
looks at him and says you’re a large asshole. – Oh! – And you see that
everybody goes (cheers), and you see Ann’s like
right, I like this bird. (laughter). And you see old Pickering says you fit right in, captain. You’ve an eye for talent. – Okay, so, all right so, obviously we gotta get on
this ship no matter what. What should we do? – I think we get on the ship, we take away the anchor, get away from this hoard, and then scour the interior
for this fucking halfling. – You see that old Pickering says right, that’s easy enough to do. – Captain has to order. – All right, everybody get on. You can get on this time, but oh. – What if I reposition myself? I have a wonderful gesture to make. And I look at Percival and
I say Percival, kiss me. – Ugh, heck yeah. – And I push him off the balcony. – Oh, dang! – So we good? – Oh, dang it. Oh, dang, no! (drawn out scream) – He’s falling a long way. – It’s like 800 stories up.
– It’s a very high tower. – Splat (splat) – Are we good? – We were good but like I felt like he coulda helped
us find this halfling, but let’s get in the ship. – I would say your vacillations make me less likely to trust you. – (laughter) Yeah, it
makes me so confused, and I already feel crazy. – You guys rush onto the ship, you see Old Pickering shouts out captains orders, anchor away. Off to Tor- not to Tor’Kellen, not here to the blood keep. No safe harbor. To the skies, lads, to the skies. – I love when you say that. – They get to it. Feels dramatic, little flair. My prime days are behind me so I can’t really participate with the buckling of swashes and such, but I can shout out a sort
of colorful phrase or two. I like it. – That’s why I love you. – All right. You guys take off, and you start
to head towards the clouds. As you do, you start
making for cloud cover, and John Feather’s on the deck. You guys start scouring
the ship for the halfling. As you do, you look up and see eagles descending
from the clouds overhead in advance of the armies of light. You see John looks up and goes oh shit. And you see in their claws
are a dwarf, an armored dwarf, a massive tree being that is being carried by like a bunch of eagles
all struggling to lift it, and your brother, Prince
Tavian St. Vincent. – Son of a bitch. – Little brother. Been quite a while, wouldn’t you say? He is dropped, lands on
the deck of the ship, and as you guys take off
over the skies of Gorgar, I’m gonna need everybody
here to roll initiative. (Matt laughs) – Oh my gosh. – That is all for this week
on Escape from the Blood Keep. Tune in next time for a little battle in the smoke-filled skies of Gorgar. Seeya then. (cheers) (applause) We find our vile villains here in the skies above
Gorgar onboard The Siren, flagship of the forgotten fleet. Markus, come home. – Yeah, I wanna come
home, but without you, so we got the same plan. – Somebody fine kill me. – We’re having a real
airship battle now, boys. – That’s a nat 20. (Mike laughs) I have been cursed with eternal life. – Fuck!

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