FINDING YOUR TRIBE (5 STEPS TO ATTRACT & ELEVATE)


Sunny Lenarduzzi: When it comes to success
in relationships, business, and life, what’s the most influential factor? Well, as Jim Rohn famously said, we are the
average of the five people we spend the most time with. The people you surround yourself with affect
your thinking, your mood, your self-esteem, and your decisions. If you surround yourself with people who inspire
you, you’ll be more motivated to take action. But have you ever wondered how you actually
connect with people that you admire? I’ve been really fortunate to build tribe
around me of people that I once really looked up to, and now they’ve become friends and
part of my network. So that’s why I wanted to make this video. So, smash the like button and I’m going to
show you how to build your tribe step by step. Cheers. Step number one is the magnet effect. Now, this exercise actually changed my life. And I’ve used this exercise to build my tribe
from scratch, and to attract the right people into my life in all different kinds of capacities,
whether it’s personal or business related. So, how does this exercise work? Okay, well hat I want you to do, whether you
do this right now and pause the video, or do this at the end of the video, it’s really,
really important and if you don’t do this step, none of the other things I’m going to
tell you today are going to work and you’re going to still feel frustrated that you’re
not attracting the right people into your life. So, whether you like it or not, you are what
you attract. If you’re trying to attract people that are
inspiring and motivated and going after their dreams, but you’re not doing that, why would
that person want to be around you? I want you to write down the traits of your
ideal best friend, your ideal tribe member who would be the exact person that you need
and want in your life, who you know is going to help you build an even bigger and better
life for yourself. So, things for me on my list when I do and
continue to do this exercise is abundance, and open minded, and generous. Healthy, fit, inspirational, motivated, driven. So many things on the list, and the list really
does go on. And then basically what you do is once you
write that list, you want to look at it and go am I embodying all these traits? Because if you’re not embodying the traits
that you’re trying to attract in your tribe in the people that are surrounding you, it’s
going to be really hard to attract your tribe. So, you have to do this exercise first before
you move on to anything else. You want to flip the script on yourself, write
down all the things you want in a best friend, and then see if you’re actually all of those
things. Step number two is do a tribe audit. Now, this is going to feel weird and uncomfortable. But, growth is uncomfortable, and the only
way to grow is to really take audit of the people and the things in your life, and how
they are affecting your growth. So, tribe audit is simply taking a look at
the people you’re spending the most time with, the five people you’re spending the most time
with in your life. Ar those people fitting into the traits and
the things that you’re looking for in your tribe? If they’re not, and if you have people in
your life that are what I like to call soul suckers, because they drain you of your energy,
they drain you of all of your optimism and positivity, but you have to put on your own
mask first if you’ve ever heard that analogy when you’re in an airplane. You’re always told if anything goes on, put
on your own mask first. You have to take care of yourself first in
order to be the best version of yourself for everyone else around you. So, in order to take care of yourself, you
have to take an audit of the people you’re spending the most time with. And it doesn’t mean if they don’t fit the
criteria you have to cut them out of your life by any means. They could be old friends, they could be good
friends, they just may not be the people that are going to elevate your energy and elevate
you to a new place in your life that’s much more positive than maybe where you are currently. So, you just want to be cautious and really
do another audit of the amount of time you’re spending with those people. And reallocating that time to discover new
relationships and new friendships with people who are going to, again, lift you up and elevate
you. Soul suckers. Real quick, I want you to be very, very honest,
this is a safe place and a safe community, and we can all learn from one another, right? So, in the comments below I want you to write
down the traits of your ideal tribe members. What are the top three, top five things that
you want in the people you spend most time with? It’s okay to be blunt, it’s okay to be honest. It’s okay to put it out there, because as
soon as you do, guess what? I bet you there’s people in this community
that probably are perfectly fits for your tribe. Step number three is find your people. Now, this also might feel slightly uncomfortable,
especially if you feel a little awkward meeting new people, which I totally get. It might come as a surprise to you, but building
new relationships is not really comfortable for anybody I don’t think, and I’m a total
homebody. So, going to networking events and that kind
of stuff, ugh, it really just drains my soul. So, there are a few hacks to get around this. And one of the best hacks or tips that I’ve
ever heard came from Lori Harder, who’s an expert on building your tribe. She’s a brilliant entrepreneur, and she also
wrote the book a Tribe Called Bliss, which is all about breaking through superficial
friendships, creating real connections, and reaching your highest potential, which is
what we’re talking about today. And I also had Lori on the podcast for aa
full interview on the book and this subject. If you want to check it out, it is in the
description below to go listen there, and be sure to subscribe. So, what was Lori’s tip? She turned to Instagram, as most of us do. But instead of just creeping other people’s
feeds, she was looking through hashtags that were relevant to her. So, she was looking at things like #fitness,
#soulcycle, #laWomansevent. And she would look up these hashtags and see
who was creating content round them, or using the tags. And she would start following all those people,
and slowly but surely build relationships. Now, she said out of 50 people that she would
reach out to on a regular basis, like every week, about 10 of those people would get back
to her. So, don’t take it personally if you don’t
get a response, but this is such an easy first opportunity to reach out to somebody and start
building a relationship. Now, the next step of this, step number four,
is how you actually reach out. So, I call this clearing the blocks, which
is another term that Lori shared with me. Which really doesn’t put any pressure on the
person you’re reaching out to, because it is a little bit weird. If you’ve never met the person, you’re reaching
out to them on Instagram, or you happen to run into them at an event one time. Going up to them, or messaging them and saying,
“I can’t wait to be best friends with you,” is a little creepy. We do generosity. Now, it’s also important to understand that
I have relationships that have taken years, I’m talking like five years to build. Where, initially, for the first four of those
five years, all I was doing was adding as much value as I could to this person that
I really looked up to and admired. I was liking their content, I was sharing
their content, I was responding to their emails. Whenever they’ve had an ask on social media
for any help with anything, I would try and see if my skillset fit my needs, and I would
try and reach out and help them. Because sometimes if the person is on a really
high level and they’re super successful, they’re getting inundated with people trying to get
their attention. So instead of trying to get their attention,
you want to say this is how I can actually help you, and I would love to do this. No pressure, whatever you need from me I’m
happy to help. So that’s the best way to start really clearing
those blocks. So, instead of asking, just give them some
sort of generosity, give them some sort of lead in, where you’re actually helping them,
and you aren’t asking them for a thing. And that will pay off all day, every day,
way faster, even if it does take a couple of years. Way faster than asking for something right
off the bat. I can tell you right now that when I get emails
from people, or DM’s from people saying, “Can I pick your brain? Can I have a quick coffee chat with you? Can I take you for lunch?” I don’t have time. And I know that sounds terrible, but I don’t. I barely have time to see my friends and my
family at the moment with how busy things are. People that get my attention are the people
that lead with value. Even if it might not be something that I can
ake them up on right now, they’re always going to be filed away in my brain. And I actually have a special folder for them,
because one day I’ll probably come back and say hey, you know hen you offered to help
me with X? I would love to take you up on that. So, that’s how you really clear the blocks
for people and get their guards down, is not asking, but giving. Finally, step number five is reiterating this
point, and making sure that you don’t take it personally if you don’t get a response
from someone that you want to build a relationship with. So, first and foremost if you don’t get a
response and you kind of lose the inclination to even want to build a relationship with
that person, that’s cool, let it go. But there’s probably someone who you are really
interested in meeting, or sitting down for coffee with, or building a relationship with
in the long run. And don’t let that go. So, what I do is I usually span it out within
three months, and I’ll put a reminder on my calender, or in my notebook, or in a [inaudible
00:09:19] to say reach out to X. And it’ll have a whole list of people that
I do want to build relationships with, and it’ll just be me pinning them again, to be
basically checking in and saying, “Hey, hope everything’s great with you. I saw your recent post on this,” or “I saw
you just launched this. I wanted to say congratulations.” Or, “I really loved reading that,” or, “Watching
that video.” “And as always, if there’s anything that I
can support you with, please let me know.” Or, if you see something specific that they
need help with, mention that and say you know what, that’s actually what I do, and I would
love to offer you my guidance. Here’s a really quick strategy of what I think
could be helpful for you. Lay it out for people, tell them exactly how
you can add value. And you’d be surprised at the response you
get. So, I mark a three month reminder for the
people that I really want to build relationships with, to continue to follow up with them. Again, no expectations, I’m not asking to
pick their brain, I’m not asking them to go for coffee or lunch. I’m just saying how can I help you? And that’s where you’re really going to see
those relationships start to bloom. Never ever ever utter the phrase can I pick
your brain? Not only does it sound gross, but it’s probably
the most off putting phrase that anyone in the world can hear. This brain of mine has taken 31 years to build,
so you can’t pick my brain and get all the information that I have up here in a quick
coffee chat, and it’s pretty much insulting to say that to somebody who is an expert in
their field. So, let’s just all make a rule, and we’re
never going to say that to anyone again? Okay? If you’re down for that, put, “Boss,” in the
comment below. Also, I wanted to reiterate that this will
take time. And it may take years, but it also may take
a couple o days or even a few months with the right people in your tribe. But those big aspirational people that you
hope to have in your circle one day, it’s okay if it does take time. Just continue to add value to them, and I
swear to you it will come back tenfold eventually. So, thank you so much for being a part of
this tribe. We appreciate you so much, so comment below
with the hashtag BOSSCLUB to be entered to win shout outs or swag from the BOI Boss store. And if you haven’t subscribed yet, be sure
to subscribe to the channel. We have new videos every single Tuesday, and
next week’s video is all about how to handle rejection and hate. if you liked this video and you’re excited
to build your own tribe, let me know. Leave a like below, and subscribe for new
videos every week on how to be your own boss and build your own life.

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