We have a guest here tonight. Stephanie. and I want Stephanie to come up
and kind of share a little bit I think she said about five years ago
or 4 or 3. I don’t know how long it’s been. Yeah, about four years ago.
Come up and share, Stephanie. Like I came over for Tai Chi really wasn’t expecting this but..
She asked a question like Were you trying to lose weight?
Did you try everything? and I guess I go back and say, ’cause she say
some people don’t care. I don’t believe that.
Everybody cares about their health and appearance and well-being.
But like I said I didn’t know Robert or anything about Robert, or the seminar. and I had just started going to Unity. like I always said Just saw 2 of my favorite phrases:
Free and Lose Weight. and it was like on a poster thing over here
and I always tr…. that’s just 2 things that always catch my attention:
Free – Lose Weight. and so it was just the basic flyer.
It really didn’t say what the program was. and me being skeptical
because I had tried everything. Weight Loss pills; slimfast; cabbage soup diet.
I think I did try everything. I can’t think of anything Fen-Phen I can’t think of anything that
they had on the market that I did not try. No matter how ridiculous the cabbage
soup was. A person with a Master’s degree
just eating cabbage soup every day. I swear I did it. and a lot of stuff worked for the moment. Like the Fen-Phen, oh I lost a lot of weight
but soon as they outloaded I gained it right back, you
know and so that’s how I originally got started. As I said before, I was very
skeptical walking into it, because Like I said, I was new to Unity
and the whole little spiritual thing was when I was getting into it
and I was just waiting for the pitch. Okay, where’s the magic juice? that cost $39.95? Where’s his book, you know, that cost $49.95? I’m, like, you know, where is it? You know, I was prepared to pay for it.
Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? and so, I had never heard of the tapping.
and when he started the tapping thing, I was like, oh my goodness, that is not gonna work.
That is just so ridiculous That’s like one of the stupidest things
I’ve ever saw but so is cabbage soup When you don’t even like vegetables that much and so, one thing that sold me on it is… I’ll have pain in my knees and back & he was, like,
well you can just tap out the pain and I think, no, no , no,
but I started tapping and it’s like the pain, in the session, in my knees just
almost immediately went away. Still skeptical like, that’s the flukes, you
know, that’s just the flukes. It’s like, since I was so heavy,
the pain wasn’t just horrible bad. It was that achy kinda bad. Like it just… You can move, you can get through your day, but it just bothers you to get up and sit down
and move around. It was to the point to
where, in the morning, I just took … woke up and took aspirin just so I could,
you know, not not be in that type of pain. and so instead I got up and I started
tapping, and the pain just, basically, it just went away So that kinda sold me on
the tapping works for something, you know. At least the pain is gone and then I just started to feel better Like, mentally. Like, I have this tool. I’m a teacher and, at the time, I was teaching 8th grade which is about the same as 9th, 10th and 11th ’cause I taught them all and they’re all
about the same across the board. and, like I said, I would be in class and
I would feel myself getting stressed out and, if you want to know the snack person at the school, that was me.
In my desk I had little Debbie’s beef sticks and not just beef raviolis the little pop-top. It’s like, if
anybody got hungry, I swear they came to me. Like “what do you have?” and they would, it’s not even like..
they would even put a personal requests Like, “Do you have chocolate?”
Well no, I’m looking for something salty. Would you have some raisins? or “Could I have a peanut butter sandwich?” That’s because I had bread, jars of peanut butter, everything, and so, you know, I started noticing that like
maybe work-stress was, like a trigger. and so, I would just start tapping.
I didn’t even care It’s like, I thought I was being discreet,
but after a while if I would start yelling at the students, they would be like: “Do that thing you do and calm down.”
You know. You know and they even had it down. Do the thing you do, because you’re stressing, you know One thing that I was, I’m noticing now is that I did the workbook and I wrote down
a goal weight and I wrote that goal weight down out of fear that I couldn’t reach the real weight I wanted to be
because I felt like that was like unattainable. Like I really kinda wanted
to weigh like 145 or 150 But you read all these statistics like
you shouldn’t lose more than 100 pounds So I wrote down a goal weight a hundred pounds less
than what I weighed. Which is not what I really wanted to weigh, but I was afraid to put down what I really wanted to weigh. Now I’m thinking like, I just wanted to say that the thing…. I’m still learning from this,
even though I don’t come to the seminar like don’t commit to that
because I wrote down 175 and I lost down to 175 and I maintained it but then I’m not happy at 175 anymore
and I’m not 175 now. What what I find that happens is, I can
get down a little bit like 165, 163 but some kind of way I end up back at 175 and that’s like that because that’s what you tapped in, you know. and so now, you know, I’m working on
‘it’s okay for me to be 150′ because I just had a lot of personal beliefs about being too
skinny, you know or too, too thin or and now I am working on it, and it’s working,
it’s working itself down but it took me like 3 or 4 more additional years
to accept that 150 is ok, you know, because I did feel like that’s too
skinny coming from a family of 250 pluses. you know, like I don’t want to be
too skinny I’m not gonna fit in,
and all my friends are thick, You know, it’s the belief out there that
I’m a black woman, You know, I gotta be shapely. If I get too skinny, I’m not
gonna have a big butt, you know, It’s like, I’m just trying to be real
like and it’s like I had to let go of some of those things, you know, and focus
on my feelings and how I feel and I’ve learned to let go of “Is that all you’re eating?”
You know, “You don’t eat very much.” or I’m full, though, you know, “You don’t eat very much.”
“Is that all you’re eating?” Don’t put, I hate when people make choices & decisions for me, ’cause I see people doing it now. Well don’t give her that
’cause she’s not gonna eat it. No, put the pie on there, I’m going to eat it, you know, She’s not gonna eat that, you know.
Yes, I still eat, believe it or not. But, you know, it’s like you have to
start dealing…. first you have to deal with the inside stuff so you can start dealing with the outside stuff because, you would think people would be more supportive, but actually it’s like you start running into sabotage or run to sabotage,
or people who just don’t understand and I just had to tap on that too.
They’re ignorant, they just don’t understand. you know, and, this is my path it’s not their path and I just tapped for
them too, you know. maybe their.. they’ll find their path and they don’t have to be so worried
about what I’m doing over here with my half a piece of pie, you know. it’s that’s like are you… is it…it
happened something you know is it may be more I’m always been open person, but I’m
more open like Is me eating this half a pie concerning you that much? What is going on in your life that me
eating a half a piece of pie has you in such a frenzy? You know, then they still have to take
personal responsibility for how they feel. You know. I just kept tapping. Oh, I feel like I have this saying that
you tap some sense into your head. Because, when I started letting go of stuff,
other stuff could come in. and I have this voice of reason
that just speaks to me so clearly now. So clearly. Oh, don’t think I don’t have problems. Oh my goodness I have problems with men. Now I have a weight problem and so, you know,
my boyfriend just left, and he was, like, I need space.
Oh and I just felt so tore up over that. I got, you know, I had to tap on that one. Now it’s like “What am I gonna do? Bla bla bla.” I guess what my reason said “Give him space.”
“Oh my God, that’s so easy” you know, but any other time, you know,
I would have been blaming myself. Oh, he said he need space because he doesn’t like me, or I’ve did something to upset him, or Ah! you know, but, you know I tapped on it.
I calmed down, it’s like He…. oh! and then it’s like I had to stay
before it’d work, people say exactly what they need but you changed into something else.
He said he needed space Oh, he wants to break up.
He never wants to see me again. How can he just throw me out of his life after 20 years? Ah, ha, you know, and then my
voice of reason said “that’s not even what he said.” You know, the man just lost his uncle.
blah blah blah and you’re making it all about you What kind of friend are you? but like I
said one when I tap, like I said, it just seemed like it opened up something,
like I started releasing emotions, and when all the negative emotions
and hard feelings about myself I really did learn to accept myself. Where I was at. It’s like,
I don’t know if I read this in your book, but it’s…somewhere I read, do everything that you would do
if you were at your goal weight. I went to Africa because I always wanted to go. I just got my 271 pound self on
the plane, you know, I went there. I came back
because that’s just what I wanted to do. because you always put off stuff until you lose weight. I went into the fat photo because
I was always just going to get the photo made after I lost the
weight and I just started accepting myself, where I was at and I didn’t
define myself through my weight. It’s like, on this end of it it’s like, like
that it was telling her, The weight don’t doesn’t even seem to be the issue
anymore because I started feeling happy at 267. Just got, like I said, I just started
getting diva clothes like, I’ve seen some women looking really good weighing 350. How come I can’t look good weighing 267? So I just started investing more in myself, my
current wardrobe, at my current size You know, getting my hair done, getting my
nails done. I just started being happy where I was at but still realizing where I wanted to be. But I didn’t let the weight be any kinda excuse for anything anymore, because one
thing that I’ve said before is that everybody say that there’s something,
there’s an issue on the inside. My problem is I couldn’t figure out what my
issue on the inside was because I thought it should be something that was
like devastating. You were molested as a child.
You were just physically abused. you know, I was looking for something devastating in my life that was causing the issues because looking at myself through other
people’s eyes, I should have just been happy. I’m a college graduate. You’re the
first to graduate in your family. You’re so nice.
You have so many friends. You have a successful career.
You’re a good mother. You’re smart and I’m thinking ‘Wow!’ you know looking at myself through other people’s eyes, you
know, I should have felt like, you know,
I shouldn’t have any issues. But once I started focusing on me and how I felt and not belittling how I felt because,
that’s kind of what I did, it’s like, How can you be upset over something so trivial
as this? when there’s people in Africa starving. So it’s like I was… I had
a guilt issue over almost being fortunate and blessed You know, it’s like I was beat…
and it’s like I wouldn’t allow myself to feel, you know, like a little jilted, like Oh, I asked him seven times to take out the trash, and the trash is sitting in here. I would beat myself up for being mad at them for not
taking out the trash. No. Be mad. You asked them seven times, you know, you cook dinner every day,
can the trash please get taken out? But I wouldn’t say anything.
I would say, you know, That’s trivial. Don’t be mad over, you know, that.
You know, now I know I’m not gonna blow it all out of proportion. but I speak my mind about it.
You know, I’m in here cooking every day can trash please get taken out? Do we
need to put some personal reminders around here to get stuff done or what?
you know and let it go and move on. you know, but before, I was, before I took a lot of
stuff personal. They don’t care about me. They’re not listening to me. All I asked
is one simple thing: to take the trash out. I mean I’m around here doing the laundry
I’m vacuuming, I’m making beds and all I’m asking for them to do is simply take
the trash out. but no, I go and I work 45 hours my 40 hours plus 5 additional
hours, so they can have nice things and the trash is still here, you know.
I would be mad about it not say anything about it and then
feel guilty for being mad about it. You know, and so it’s like, one thing the tapping did is
I just kept asking myself What’s the problem? What’s the problem? and then even if… even when I really
started to feel the problem, I still was, like, that’s not a problem, you know, but guilt, guilt, that’s that’s a big thing that’s a big thing and I just like
sometimes have a big heart and like I said you see disasters and stuff on TV and I just felt like, Oh my goodness,
look how they’re suffering. and I can’t do anything about it. I accept that. I can do something, I just can’t fix the whole thing. Send your $20 check in, you know Send blessings with it and know that you did
what you could do, but stop trying to fix the whole thing, you know, like I
always tell my students now ’cause school is like, you know, they got us on
this policy of no child left behind and I’m sorry that is not my policy some of y’all are not going to make it
and I’m going to allow you not to make it, because that’s your personal choice
but those of you who want to make it then, you know, you can be on my team but
I’m not going to force you all to make it. so, no child left behind is not my
policy, you know. (video spliced here)
About 10 months. About 10 months. – To lose the weight
Yeah. You know what. Let me back up on that. The first, my first attempt. My first workshop. So many issues started coming
up that I dropped the weight-loss focus. and I didn’t focus on that, because I
started seeing different things that I felt were more important to work on, like my spiritual well-being, taking time for me. Enjoying me. Honoring me.
Because, like I said before, everyone in my house would be decked out
in designer clothes and I would just look like I fell off the trash truck,
you know, It’s like, I would just go out of my way to make sure they had, Do you need a ride? you know, just
totally sacrificing my whole self to make sure that they had. So, the first time, you know, through so much is like purging. So much just
started coming up. I felt like I had to start working on those spiritual issues Learn how to get quiet.
Learn how to listen. Learn how not to take stuff personally and
I’m telling you, even at 267 I’m telling you, maybe I lost 5 pounds and
I looked in the mirror and I started seeing a beautiful woman looking back,
like, was I always this pretty? You know, it’s like I started just seeing
myself as pretty even though I was 265 and when I put my clothes on, even if
it was a size 22 I just looked really good in it. Like, wow! I just I look really good in these jeans,
you know, and so Once I started, came back to another one and then when I really started focusing on the weight-loss which I really never really focused,
focused on it, it took about 10 or 11 months
for the weight to come off because the main thing I was focusing on
was kind of like walking, and how I felt when I walked and how I enjoyed it, and how I liked being outside at Lake Hefner, and for a while there’s like it was just melting off you know, for like
the first six months it felt like it was just melting off and
I didn’t go on a diet per se, I just made a list of the things that I knew
wasn’t helping my situation that I could live without, because
I still eat plenty of candy, plenty. (video spliced here)
because, like I said, tapping since then, I figure that a half cheeseburger tastes just as good
as a whole cheeseburger and I started learning about portion sizes
and when I was actually full how to stop and experimenting with some new foods but, like I gave a few things up, because I
really didn’t like’eim anyway I just ate ’em ’cause they were convenient like potato chips. I’m not a potato chip fan, you know, I just replaced that with
maybe some almonds or I don’t eat a lot of bread because
I wasn’t a big bread fan anyway. and so I did cut some things out, but just by personal choice not
like I’m just trying to be on this super diet. (video spliced here)
Right. What is it? about three years I… yeah,
about three years. It fluctuates a little bit, like I say,
sometimes I get down to that 163 and I find myself back at 173 but never have I been, like, back over 175. No, I take that back. One time I gained 20 pounds.
That was a divorce. That was a little bit harder to tap on,
you know, but I say from I gained the 20 pounds in 4 months, like
from August to December and then, by the New Year and I kinda realized
what I needed to do and then I had it back off in April.
Yeah. RS: I think, I think it’s really important,
you know, and just like in the seminar, weight-loss seminar, It’s really about the emotions.
– Right. It’s about how you think about yourself.
It’s how you process your world. and I even tell people who wanna lose weight
start with the regular classes. Start addressing your emotional issues. As you address the emotional issues you’ll naturally lose weight
without even trying much, because you’re addressing the reason why you eat when you’re not hungry and then you start working on the other stuff. You start working on Well, you know, I’m trying to get a love fix out of these cookies here. and then you address the cookies. Or you’re trying to eat all the food and like one of the things I remember Stephanie she said well I’m having trouble
trying to throw that food away, you know I mean so you have to address
that program that you’ve been taught as a child Clean your plate. I mean that’s the biggest,
that’s one of the biggest emotional drivers is to throw that food away. because you’re so indoctrinated to eat it all or you’re gonna get in trouble. Or you’re a good girl if you eat it all
and you get candy and then… or dessert. So those are emotional conditionings,
so you have to break all those and the real deal is learn to love yourself. Learn to be nice to yourself. – I don’t throw the food away still.
I never end up eating it, but if I got to restaurant I always take it with me. RS: But that’s okay, too.
– yeah yeah yeah but we just don’t want abuse ourselves. Period.
– Right. Right. Give her a hand. Thank you, Stephanie. With my little separation now.
That people ask for exactly what they need. and you need to hear their needs but you
need to make your needs known, Instead of beating myself up, I tell them, you know, This house functions as a unit and we all need to do our part. I’ve noticed that the trash hasn’t been
taken out for two weeks. you live here, as well as I do. Can you please, like I said, what is it going to take for this trash
to get from here on the curb, without me doing it? Like I said.
Do we need some personal reminders? that you need to program it to your cell phone at 6:15 a.m. Thursday morning, to take out the trash because sometimes, like I say, I took the stuff personal. It’s not personal against you.
They just keep forgetting. 6:15 is early in the morning and you’re trying to get
your day going and you’re rushing like if it was my chore, like, the first
thing I would think in the morning is take out the trash.
I wouldn’t if that was my chore. Luckily, my chores fall at the end of the
day and they’re so pressing staring right at you I have to get it done, but
if it was the trash tucked away in the garage I might forget it too, you know, and so
I’ve learned how to just start not taking it personal. Trying to look at it and I just asked exactly for what I need. You know, I’m feeling a little insecure right now Can I get some extra hugs and some kisses? Can I please get a few compliments. Do you think I look good in this outfit?
you know. Yeah, just ask and you….
it will be just amazing when you just ask and you’re not putting out a lot of:
I can’t stand nobody in his house. You all never help out because they don’t hear you They don’t hear you there.
They don’t hear you and then it’s like it’s almost they put up a defense.
but if you come to ’em, you’re reasonable I get a lot accomplished like that now. Wow, I noticed that the trash hasn’t been
taken out in two weeks here and the garage just stinks and, you know, I know you
probably just forgot and what do you think it’s going to take for the trash
to get from point A to point B? Do we need to put some little sticky notes? okay right yeah yeah yeah okay okay Thank you, thank you, Stephanie.
Give her a hand. subtitles by: Antoinette Iacobucci